Monday, September 3

Dear Cat,
I don’t even know where my head is. Today was such a busy day at work, I’m so happy to finally be at home and do nothing. Though I’m still getting my abs workout in. Can you believe that I have to add another hole in my belt after only one week? I guess exercise really does do something for you. And I’m soooo proud of myself! I’m even prouder when I see that 11-year-olds weigh as much as I do, even though she’s much smaller than I am. At the same time, I don’t understand how weight works. On one of my favorite reality tv shows, there was a girl who was about the same height as I am, weighing 72 kg (158 lbs), and looking really slender. And I just can’t understad how there’s a 15 kg (33 lbs) difference without that much difference in looks. I guess she must be really athletic and have a lot of muscle, which I don’t. However, when I see similar differences between me and the kids who come into the doctor’s office, I’m still surprised. And then I think back to the time where I weighed 63 kg (139 lbs) and just hated how I looked. Urgh, that was terrible. I could never go back to that phase. Funnily, my natural weight seems to fluctuate between 57 and 59kg (125 and 130 lbs), even when I don’t pay attention. And I’m really, really happy about that.

Tuesday, September 4

Dear Cat,
I guess I’ve already said everything there’s to say about today and the little pity party I had tonight. I not feel like discussing it any further. But will have some more wine instead. After all, vino is more instagrammable than self-doubt and shit.

Wednesday, September 5

Today is my first day off, basically my kind of weekend, since I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off. I’m waking up with a huge headache. I guess drinking my feelings isn’t a good idea. I’m using my laziness to look for new appartments, since I have to move out my current place next month. It blows my mind how bad the market is right now. I’d say I live in a small town, However, prices for apartments are insane! Like what on earth would justify a 10m² for 400€ ???? This is insane! That’s almost the same rent I paid in Paris, but for much more space. Tbh, I’m so fed up with the current situation of society. There are so many things I don’t understand, housing and public transportation are just a small part of it. The latter really upsets me. I truly believe that everything would be so much easier if renting furnished homes at a reasonable price and having a decent public transportation system (like in Paris) was a standard for every city. Like seriously, who needs a car and furniture? Everything that you possess will possess you sooner or later. Except maybe clothes. But when you have to think about moving stuff from one plave to another, every single item you own slows you down. And that’s why I don’t understand that in a world that praises flexibilty so much and even expects it as something normal, flexibilty seems to be the greatest luxury to get.

Thursday, September 6

Dear Cat,
I’m doing a lot of reading today. Mostly because I wanna know how my brain works. Besides, I also because I like to dive into the abyss of human existence, that’s why most of the stuff I read is either about something psychological or murder. So today, I’m reading everything I can about ADHD. I keep wondering if I have it. Even though it hasn’t been diagnosed in my family (at least not that I know of), I feel like there are soooo many things that apply to me. The more I read, the more I feel like I’m on the spectrum. Not that I want to be, but if it turned out that I indeed do have it, it would be a relief. Because then I’d at least know what’s wrong with me. I’d know why my mind is all over the place all the time and why I can’t focus on “easy” tasks that apparently don’t bear any difficulties for others.
As I mentioned in a previous post, consultation is back on the table and I hope to get an aswer soon.

Friday, September 7

Another busy day at work. We were only 2 today and it was crazy. So much stuff to take care of. I’m glad that I can finally start my weekend. And for a change, I’m doing something more cultural than just watching Bachelor in Paradise tonight. I’m going to watch a play! Something Shakespeare! Yeah, I have to say something, because it’s not an actual play by Shakespeare but a combination of several plays.
And I liked it very much! It was a walk through the woods accompanied by different theatrical performances. And even though I got distracted in between scenes and don’t exactly remember the main story, it was a great experience and very artsy as well. (But then again I also was totally in when I saw that everyone would wear masks. I just love costumes and Halloween and stuff.)

Saturday, September 8

Today was very uneventful. And I feel like that’s what I keep saying about all of my weekends. I slept very long (after I woke up at 6:30 am and went back to bed at 9:00 am) and then I just caught up with Bachelor in Paradise (because I’m obsessed), did some cleaning and planned my insta feed (bc I’m obsessed with that, too). And that pretty much was my day. Really lame, but at the same time, I don’t feel like doing much else. I don’t know the reason, but lately, I’ve been feeling deflated and out of energy. It makes everything seem really hard even though it’s not. So that’s why I’m spending my night writing and then call it a day.
Oh I forgot, I tried to do my first contouring. I totally failed. I look like I always do.

Sunday, September 9

I’m sending out more emails and am hoping to find an apartment or a shared accomodation. As I mentioned, the process is very annoying, but at least there are new offers every day. The problem is that almost no one leaves their phone number anymore. I kinda like to do both, send an email and call, so that the person I’m addressing can get a better idea of how cool I am. But in only 2 out of 10 ads, people left a phone number. And only one actually picked up. I mean, I can’t really blame them. I wouldn’t want to receive countless calls throughout the day. I myself actually am part of the people who stare at their phone ringing, wait until it stops and then see if I want to call back or not. Or if I can text back. That reminds me that I wanted to write a post about how the way we use phones has changed in the last few decades. I’ll probably do that, soon.
Apart from that, I had a quiet day. I’m also feeling a little sick again. That’s the difficult part when you work in a doctor’s office: in the first couple of weeks, you’re always sick. But I think I got two good news today. However, I can’t share that part yet, because I don’t wanna jinx it. So I’ll just have to wait and keep my fingers crossed.