Dating, Just blogging

Dating & money

This is a topic that has been thoroughly discussed with my friends and that doesn’t seem to get old. It’s an ongoing debate what to do with the check when at a bar, cafĂ© or restaurant. I’m writing from my hetero perspective, and I have absolutely no clue how this is handled in other dating situations. But I’ve often experienced some kind of awkwardness when it comes to paying. Should the guy pay, should I offer to pay my part? I have to admit that it never crossed my mind to pay for both of us on a first date, except if I’m the one who chose the location. But I usually prefer letting the guy take the initiative. Not because I’m lazy or because I’m a greedy bitch, but because I’m looking for someone who’s assertive and invested in me. But I’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s get to the story first.

A few weeks ago, I went on a date with a guy who I’m pretty much into. Or at least, I’m pretty much into the potential thing that we could have if we start seeing each other on a regular level. So far, we’ve only hung out four times since July, and most of the time, I initiated the contact. It annoys me, but I also don’t have a problem with going for what or who I want, even though I would of course prefer being pursued from time to time instead of doing all the pursuing myself. Just for the record, I’m not harassing anyone who’s not that into me, and I’m only hitting a guy up that often before I accept that I won’t get any or not enough investment in return and leave it at that.

So when we went on a date that other day, I don’t even know how many weeks had passed since we’d last seen each other. Two at the very least, although we had both mentioned that we’re indeed both very enthusiastic about continuing to see each other. And even though I’m not thrilled about that I’m obviously not that worthy of his time, I chose to ignore this massive red flag. Besides, I have no problem being by myself, I hate most people anyway *Sagittarius rising*. Although now, it’s getting to the point where I’m almost like “whatever” when we actually hang out. And thinking about how the last date went down actually has my blood boiling.

When we were planning the date, he suggested that we go to a bar in his area, and that’s what we did. We had one round of drinks, Gin & Tonic for him, wine spritzer for me. He asked me if we should go to a different bar after, which we did, and he paid for the first round. When we arrived at the second bar (which he also chose), we had a short convo about if we’d pay by card or cash. Neither of us had much cash with us, and that was when he also mentioned that he had a rather tight budget for drinks. I think I said that I could get the second round, but then he wanted to pay by card and have me give him the cash, which was fine by me. We had the same drinks again, and I think that I should mention here that his was actually double the price of mine. However, I gave him the money for the second round as we had discussed. I actually didn’t even think about it. But where it gets really interesting is that we then stopped by a bodega where he got a third drink. (I didn’t want anything.) And I’m really confused: So he had no budget for the drinks he chose to have at the bars he knows and suggested, has me pay more than I would have actually needed to, but still needs to buy something for the road even though that would also be out of his budget???

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting here or if I’m petty, but in my opinion, if you can’t afford to take someone out barhopping, then you don’t. There are many other things that are cheap but still make a fun date. Like feeding ducks. And you especially don’t claim that you’re on a tight budget and can’t pay for an additional glass of wine, but yet have the money to get something from the bodega.

As I mentioned, I didn’t think about all this at the moment, especially because, opposed to the impression you may get from this post, I generally don’t think that much about money. I think it’s a stupid construct that humans developed to serve us, just to have us become slaves to it. So I also don’t really care who pays for what as long as things are fair. But I guess what really frustrates me in this case here is that the guy who has already shown me that he’s not overly generous with his time for me also can’t be bothered to literally invest in an evening with me, even though he clearly has the means, but rather gives me some bullshit explanation.

The worst thing is, I don’t even know if I should or would want to address it. I mean, even though highly unlikely, it could be that I’m pissed for no good reason and that it was just a miscommunication. But firstly, I’m also very non-confrontational and secondly, I don’t believe that a conversation would do much, except for me feeling stupid for arguing about money. So I guess my only option here is to see and wait how things play out in the next couple of weeks before I decide whether or not I should dump his ass.

In any case, you will get an update. In the meanwhile, I’ll be happy to read what you think about all this. Am I the overanalyzing asshole here? How do you handle money issues during the very first stages of dating?

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Exciting news

I don’t even know how often I’ve been writing this in the last couple of years, but: I know I haven’t been very active here lately, and I’m planning on changing this.

Those who have read my ramblings and bitchy texts for a while now will probably think “Yeah sure, tell us something new.” Well here it is:

This blog will soon be a project which I’ll do together with a very close friend of mine. Not only that. In addition to writing blog posts, we’re also working on a podcast!

The podcast will be in German, but the posts will continue to be in English as well as in German. Expect to learn about my friend’s and even more about my personal life and dating mishaps, fun anecdotes, and critical views about the world we live in. More, we’ll cover topics that I haven’t really addressed yet here, such as feminism and of course my current obsession that is astrology.

Of course, you will be the first ones to know when we launch, and I hope it’ll be very soon. So far, we’ve advanced really well with making podcast episodes, and we’re currently working on creating posts for the blog.

We would like to hear what kind of topics you’d read and hear about. So please let us know in the comments and type in your suggestions. We’re super impatient to finally go online with all the content we’re now creating for you, but promised, it won’t be too long. Until then, check out Instagram to see what’s new.

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Don’t you wanna follow me back?

I guess it’s impossible to run out of topics when you write about online dating, for the better and the worse.

One thing I always found very amusing was the moment when you exchange socials or even a number. When I gave out my number, most of the time I’d be like “Please no dick pic, please no dick pic.” Btw, I don’t understand why guys would send them in the first place. Why not start with other body parts instead? If a pic of your dick is all you have to offer, then I’m just not interested. Or is the dick pic the result of a long time of reflection, where the guy asks himself: What do I have in common with a Greek god? (If you didn’t get that joke, just google Greek god statue and have a look at their penises.)

So, I’m usually not giving out my number very easily. Instead, I like to go with my instagram account. Which is perfect actually, because that way, the dude sees that there’s less of a chance that I’m a 50 yo dude and because that even without adding each other, you can text.

But sometimes I get the feeling that some people aren’t totally easygoing when it comes to staying in touch with someone via instagram. And funnily, the ones who only have like a handful of followers seem to be the thirstiest and the most eager to gain more followers. So what usually happens is that they follow me – which I never asked them to do, I just gave them my handle so that they can stalk me as much as they like, but that doesn’t mean I’m engaging. It’s like doing the starfish in bed, just that it’s on social media. And then, I can honestly just wait for the question: “Don’t you wanna follow me back?” …. And me like:

Seriously, why would you even ask that question? It’s like asking: “But why haven’t you said anything about my new haircut?” Well, it’s ugly af, I’m not to look at that more often than I need to. So sorry, not sorry, I’m not going to follow your shitty insta account. Otherwise, I would have hit that button already. But I didn’t, so just draw your conlusions from that.

But keep sending me nice messages, please.

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What would you do if you died tomorrow?

I know, that’s such a corny question. So corny that it’s close to having a tattoo that says Carpe Diem. So corny that Nicholas Sparks would answer with a poop emoji if you texted him that question. And yet, that question popped into my head yesterday. (Well I guess I have a predisposition for corny stuff, I do love romcoms after all.)

Before I’m getting into details, it’s maybe a good idea to give you some background information first. So for a few weeks know, I’m noticing once again that I probably can’t eat all types of food. I’m sparing you the details, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that my intestins are not reacting well to wheat and/or gluten. And maybe some other stuff, too, since it’s been almost impossible for me to eat anything without some sort of complications. Of course, I’ve already seen a doctor and am currently doing all the exams to know what exactly is causing problems, but so far, there hasn’t been anything conclusive. But I was asked if we there were cases of cancer in my family. My doctor has such great humor.

Now I don’t think that I have cancer or anything severe, but I still asked myself: If that were the case and if I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied with my life so far? Would there be anything I regret? And even though I don’t have any regrets, my answer to the first question would be “It was ok.” Just that, nothing more, nothing less.

Have you heard of the marshmallow experiment? Where kids receive one marshmallow and if they manage to wait for a certain amount of time without eating that marshmallow, they receive another one? The marshmallow experiment supposedly shows who’s going to be successful in life (people who can make sacrifices for now to have a better result later) and who isn’t. I alsways thought I would be part of the latter. Though I would have done pretty well on the marshmallow experiment as I find marshmallows disgusting. But as for everything else, I find it incredibly hard and unnecessary to make sacrifices. My mom would say that’s because of my astrological sign, but I just think, if I can have something right now, why wait? However, I’ve tried to make some responsible choices, and since there’s no one else but me who’s paying for my fancies, holding back on certain things has become rather easy.

I’ve postponed travels because I thought it would be smarter to wait and really plan everything instead of just going somewhere, I’ve partly sacrificed my social life because I want to be successful in my work (and ultimatively earn a shitload of money of course). However, when thinking of the very abstract idea of dying tomorrow, these decisions, as smart as they may be in the moment, don’t seem smart at all. On the contrary.

If I was on my deathbed tomorrow, I would definitely be sad about not having spent enough time with my friends and not having travelled to all the places I wanted to. Also, it would also suck to acknowledge that I haven’t found a person to travel with, yet. I mean it’s awesome to be independent and stuff, but if it means doing stuff alone most of the time, it’s not always that great.

So what’s my verdict from this thought experiment? I sure don’t want to reverse my entire lifestyle. My work and professional success will always be very important to me as will be my independence. So to find a balance between me being somewhat of a workaholic, I will also focus on keeping my friendships strong and building new relationships as well. And I’m also planning my next vacation.

PS: Leave a comment if you recognize the featured image 🙂

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“Being drunk adds value to everything else in life.”

That is by far my most favorite quote from KUWTK! You cannot imagine how much I love KhloĂ© for saying that. As soon as I heard it, I decided: “That’s going to be my motto.” Though tbh, it’s already been my motto, I just never put it in these words.

Funnily, I started drinking kinda late. When I was 17, it was a very good year… No, I was 18, actually. But since I didn’t do the whole take shots-drink-alcopops-and-use-funnels-thing (except for 1,2 occasions), I actually learned how to appreciate wine. Especially because I lived in France during that time.

Not that we don’t appreciate drinking in Germany, we mainly just use less sophisticated beverages. Think about it: Drinking beer at 10 AM is trashy AF. But having mimosas for breakfast is perfectly acceptable. Same goes for wine vs beer at noon.

Besides learning how to appreciate wine, I also noticed that it makes everyone’s company so much more enjoyable. Therefore, I wasn’t surprised when a former boyfriend told me that his family would pretty much empty an entire cellar during one family meeting. And I could totally relate – my family does exactly the same. But it’s not only your family that gets nicer with a few more glasses. I always find myself in way more interesting conversations or situations. After all, alcohol is a social lubricant, why else would they offer it en masse on The Bachelor? Though maybe I should add that I’m very friendly when drunk, I don’t get aggressive, unless there’s a chair I can fight over. (There was one funny incident in a bar. A good friend and I were sitting at a table with 3 chairs and since the bar was still empty at that time, I just put my bag on the third chair. One bottle of wine later, some dude came over and just wanted to grab the chair without asking. So I made this huge fight out of it and ended up yelling at him. I also think my friend was terrified.)

And I rarely get sad, either. On the contrary, I’m usually a little funnier and even wittier, or maybe it just seems like it because my senses are dulled, but I think that I’m at least a little more entertaining in one way or another. I also think that wine makes me more creative. It shuts up the inner critic. That’s why I barely ever write without a glass or two. (Or three, or four, or five…) Also, even though I would never consider me a writer, I’d love to be one. And the great ones, Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allan Poe, Truman Capote, Hunter S. Thompson weren’t known for their healthy lifestyle and their addiction to juice cleanses. Well, except grape juice.

And aren’t the crazy things you think, feel, say, do while being drunk what makes a great story?

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Thank you!

Friday was my birthday.

If you’ve read my previous posts, you may know that I’m getting super weird around this date, meaning that I find most kinds of human interactions overwhelming or challenging, to say the least.

Honestly, there’s not much that leaves me with as much anxiety as an upcoming birthday. In my past experiences, you have to go through annoying small talk, people you barely know are giving you hugs, you get crappy presents, and it’s pretty much expected that you invite people to cake and drinks. (WTF, why would I have to invite someone if it’s MY birthday?) The prospect of all the potential awkwardness usually makes me wanna crawl into a hole and never come back.

But this year, my birthday has been preety great – even though I didn’t plan anything at all.

So I spent my day at work, which was normal, and then, I had a walk around Cologne and did some window shopping (more or less: I did try on stuff, but was underwhelmed. So all I bought were some nice lotions, that aways makes me happy.) Also, I was SO surprised by how many people have messaged me throughout the day. It was far from what I expected.

A few years ago, I probably would have made a sarky comment about people leaving a comment/ birthday wishes after Facebook invites them to, but today, I had the feeling that all the messages I got (on and off Facebook) were truly genuine. And honestly, they made my day. I was also really happy to get back in touch with people I haven’t really spoken with lately. It was great to reconnect.
Therefore, to everyone who thought of me and sent a message: thank you so much! You don’t even know how grateful I am to have such amazing friends and “family” members in my life and I truly appreciated your messages and I loved the Skype conversations and phone calls.

Also, I was shocked to see what my roommates came up with. We’ve only lived togehter for a few months now, but somehow, they know my taste really, really well, it’s almost scary. Needless to say, it was an amazing surprise. (Though, on the other hand, I don’t think I’m that hard to please. Just give me wine and some pretty clothes. And if you throw in some skincare, I’m in heaven.)

Again, I had a wonderful birthday, so thank you for that!
(Now I only need five more of these to erase my stupid anxiety :D)

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When will you open up to me?

A few years ago, that was the question I was aske dby a guy I was seeing at the time. I didn’t think things would go into a serious direction, since he never gave me a reason to believe that and our dates just consisted of random hookups. Besides, we both worked at the same bar and so the stories I heard didn’t exactly convey that I could expect more than these random hookups. And then, one night, he asked me that question.

I was definitely caught off guard by that question. Especially because he would have been the last person I would have expected to ask me this. But I started thinking about it, and I still am, roughly 5 years later.

So what if I put everything on the table from the beginning? If I was completely honest? I guess it would be very entertaining if I had an audience. Because the options are pretty much the following:

  1. I hate you, but you’re unable to get non-verbal cues and also don’t understand when I’m being ironic. So in the “completely honest” scenario, instead of putting a special intonation on “Wow, tell me more.”, I would probably just say something like “That’s the worst story I’ve heard in my life” (- in my very German accent I have to say). But I also hate confrontation and I honestly see most of the things happening in my life as a part of a story that I tell other people. So if I’m on a shitty date but it has the potetnial of becoming the worst date in history, I’m staying. Just because it makes a funny story.
  2. I actually like you but I don’t wanna fuck you. That’s the boring option. It happens all the time. But somehow, people don’t seem to understand it, even though it really is nothing but DNA compatiblity, or incompability for that matter. (I’m talking about kissing someone and if feels as if it was one of your siblings. Not in a Game of Thrones- way.)
  3. I actually like you and I want to wear your skin. Slightly exaggerating here. But you get the idea. As soon as I really like someone, I’m becoming this romantic extremist who will show the same persistence in staying at your house as a roach. Not so cute.

And so, since I don’t want to come across as a crazy stalker or psychopath, I’m staying extra casual and I’ll pay attention to avoid certain topics – especially things that have to do with my family. No one needs to know how much of a nut job we all are. But I’ll also avoid talking about deliberately killing a Sims-family and having brutal fantasies about pigeons and a sharp stick, and of course your well-lotioned skin.

But then I start wondering: How would things be if I was more of a Ted Mosby? If I just told someone I very much appreciate, “I think I’m in love with you”? Besides of being fucking weird, I mean.

Tbh, If someone said that to me, I’d probably be like ” Oh thank you! – What’s your poison?” But considering that I make immediate judgements about people I don’t like, wouldn’t it also work the other way ’round?
Which leads me to my main question: Why is it scary if people are openly into you (especially if that goes without weird movie references)? Why does it seem too much if they seriously put their cards on the table? Honestly, everything would be so much easier if everyone could just say “Listen, I’m a cannibal, I want to eat you.” – “OK, cool.”/ “Yeah sorry, not my thing.”. But no, we have this different set of codes which make it seem wo much more complicated.

Like waiting for 3 days before texting. I know, it seems outdated, but that’s still a thing.
Or counting who paid for what. Seriously, what’s the point? Just bone if you want to.
Or saying certain things too early. Who makes this timeline? Why would you have to follow a schedule?

Unfortunately, I’m internalizing some of the mindsets above.

Not because I’m unaware, but because I want any potential anything last as long as it possibly can. Which apparently includes being a little phony from time to time – and making up a socially acceptable profile, even though that includes negating your love for naked cats (as well as your appreciation of well-lotioned skin).

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Birthday anxiety

My birthday is coming up and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

Before you think: “Oh right, another chick who can’t handle getting older.”, I don’t care about my age. I’m actually somewhat looking forward to having white hair, wearing makeup that makes me look like a crazy clown and hopefully getting a much deeper voice which doesn’t sound like it belongs to a 13-year-old. (I always wanted my voice too sound more like Scarlett Johansson’s.)

Though there have been mulitple moments where I felt that I’m failing at existing – according to societal conventions – I don’t really care anymore. The last time the thought of having to be an adult stressed me out was right before my 18th birthday. But since then, I found out that pretty much everyone sucks at adulting. Besides, my family seems to have stopped wondering if I’m a Lesbian or not ever since and I’m also starting to find people amusing who ask me about kids and marriage. I’m actually looking forward to never having kids and just spend all my (fictional) money on designer and travels, especially because I can justify all that by quoting Schopenhauer – not that I have to. And I’m almost proud of being an eternal student. You don’t find many of us anymore. These teens nowadays…. they have become so serious, urgh.

However, I do put quite some pressure on myself. Just for the story, it would be so sad if my life was mediocre. So it can either be tragic (which it is already tbh) or fucking amazing. Like spending-all-day-yachting-with-my-friends-and-drinking-champagne-amazing.
I don’t wanna be that tragic figure. (Besides, every tragic figure becomes really annoying over time, that’s why they always end up killing themselves. And I’m over that.)

So there really is no other choice than becoming great. No pressure at all.

But what I really don’t like about birthdays is being the center of attention. Well, I don’t mind being the center of attention, I just want it to be for something I deserve.

But being born is not an achievement. Neither is staying alive, even though that would make much more sense to me. (Besides, I actually like listening to the BeeGees.) But we’re not living in the 1800s anymore, where sudden infant death was a real thing. And thanks to the stigma, being mentally stable doesn’t count as an achievement either.

So I don’t really see the point of celebrating my birthday. And if it’s just for the milestones, I prefer having a party for each single one of those. Seriously, why would I wait a year if I can can get drunk immediately?

One of the first things my roommates asked me after I moved in was the date of my birthday. So apparently, they’re going to plan something.
I just hate that thought. I want to spend a normal day doing what I always do and not having to have stiff conversations around a diabetes-causing cake that’ll make me nauseous. I also don’t want to open shitty presents and smile politely while thinking about throwing this new [insert anything unnecessary/ ugly /unwanted / all of the above] in the trash or reusing it as a gift for someone I hate (or date; I just noticed how similar those two words sound).

I also think that birthdays fall under the same category as NYE. People put so much pressure on them, it has to be the best day of the year. But – surprise! – it rarely is. So you most probably end up diappointed.
The birthdays I remember were days of weird family get-togethers and food poisoning (the real one, not induced by alcohol). And of course birthdays where I felt that something special should happen, but that just wasn’t the case. Instead, they were just like any other day, or even worse.

All that is the reason why I just don’t wanna celebrate my birthday. In my opinion, birthdays are just a compilation of awkward moments. So if you want to make me a birthday present, just spare me.

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To new chapters in life

Congratulations to me – I started a new job on Friday! Thanks to my addiction to social media, I was lucky enough to get recruited by an amazing company I can’t wait to work for. I don’t want to give away too many details, because you know, privacy and stuff (as if Goolge hadn’t already sold this information, I mean I got there with the help of Maps). But let me tell you, it’s big. It’s prestigious. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. And it’s scaring the crap out of me.

The last time I had a job I put high hopes into didn’t go so well. That was a year ago. And it just went horribly. I even wrote a short post about it, but since I was in the middle of a legal dispute with that company which shall not be named, I of course didn’t reveal to much information. I don’t have to explain that a lawsuit is the shittiest way to end any sort of relationship, even if it’s just professional. So having to go through this sort of experience definitely has an impact. There are definitely some positive aspects to it. First of all, there was a settlement agreement which was in my favor, But I also learned so much about our legal system and my rights. I was also reassured that being a pain in the ass sometimes really pays off, quite literally. But most of all, I learned to pay attention to contracts and fine print. And all in all, I did come out stronger of this experience. I would even say it was such an important lesson that I’m actually grateful for. How many people my age can say they have already sued someone, not to mention a company? That alone is weirdly empowering.

However, it was also a somewhat traumatizing experience. And yes, this may sound very much like first world problems, but with every new job I take, my mind also goes back to that time. And depending on the job, it gives me more or less anxiety.

Right now, my anxietey level on a scale from 1 to 10 is very much like a million. And I get constant flashbacks from this last shitty work experience.
Right now, my fear is not being up to the task. Right now, I feel like everyone puts all their hopes in me, even though I have no idea how to tackle the projects I’m already assigned to. Of course, there are people to help me, people I can ask. But that didn’t prevent a major impostor syndrome from kicking in. After just one day.

So the question I’m asking myself now is: “What could actually stop me from being successful at that job?” And my answer so far is: “Nothing, you just have to get your shit together.”

I mean on a rational level, what could go wrong? That I don’t know what people are expecting? That I won’t know if I’m doing a good job or not? Both are highly doubtable, since my company attachs great importance to giving feedback. (Something that hasn’t been the case with the company I had to sue.) Also, even though I’m the first person in my position, I’m not the first one to do all the work. I don’t have to figure stuff out by myself, There’s always someone I can ask. Also, I was not hired because of the number of followers I have on Insta, but because of my skills. And though the word “skills” kinda seems weird to me – it sounds so meaningful, but it’s nothing more than a summary of my experience – it’s definitely a better reference value than any number on social media.

So I guess I really just have to get over myself and stop second guessing. But putting in the hard work instead. (Which I’m more than willing to do, the company is just awesome!) So despite all anxiety and unnecessary stress fabricated by my brain:
Cheers to me!

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Just blogging, Lifestyle

Goals for 2019

I’m usually not a fan of new year’s resolutions, I don’t like the idea of unnecessarily putting on oneself, especially since the time between Christmas and NYE already can be stressful enough. So far, I’ve always had my goals for a new year to come some time during fall. This year, I decided to do a shopping (for clothes and accessories) detox for three months, and even though I had to push the date from when I begin, I’m not less committed to it. Until today, my other resolutions were pretty basic, the stuff you hear all the time: exercise more (which I keep telling myself throughout the year – but I went on a run yesterday and even today) and eat healthy (not so easy, because it’s still hard for me to find a balance). But these two were mostly it. At least up to this day.

As you may know, I just recently moved to Cologne. It was such a hassle to find a place at first, then I suddenly had two appartments (I was a catsitter in the second), which meant that I constantly had to go back and forth the places I lived. In addition to that, I’m currently working two jobs, neither of them in Cologne, and so on an average day, I spend at least 3 hours in public transportation. At the moment, the catsitting part has been sorted out. And by the end of January, one of my temporary work contracts will also come to an end. Things will become easier eventually.

Now that you know the story, my first resolution for the new year probably won’t come as a surprise. Spending an insane amount of time on trains has made me realize that getting a driver’s license isn’t that much of an option as I once thought. I used to think that having a car is a luxury I don’t need. But that was when I lived in Paris. Now, it’s very different, it even makes more sense to have a car than having to go by train all the time. Sure, it’s not great for the environment, but having to spend 3 hrs vs 40 min just to get to and from work, it’s a no brainer. And that’s coming from me, who hates driving, gets easily distracted and immediately feels the need of taking a nap as soon as the car starts moving. But passing my driver’s license would definitely be an achievement. And I would only drive automatic or hopefully one of these robot cars that do everything for you.

My second resolution also has to do with my current living situation. Right now, I’m sharing an appartment with 3 other people. (3 seems to be the magic number in this post.) We get along well, at least so far (I think one month is hardly enough to assess that). But of course, it can also be challenging, especially because we only have a tiny kitchen and also just one typically German bathroom, meaning that the toilet is not separated. So you better don’t come home totally shit-faced – there’s always a risk of someone taking a long, relaxing bubble bath while you, destroyed from what was supposed to be just one drink after work, are frantically trying to find a bucket or anything to contain all the drinks you ingurgitated, and which are just about to make a second appearance. (Of course, wine country France has the toilet/bathroom situation figured out.)
I’ve also learned that living in a shared appartment with just one bathroom is not the moment for latent food intolerances to become apparant.

But it’s not just a question of practicality and comfort. Having to live with other people means adapting to their mentalities. I just found out that my roommates and I seem to have a different understanding of cleaning, which is funny, because I always thought to be the complicated one. It’s not new to me that cleanliness in a shared household becomes at least a tiny issue, sooner or later. What’s new is that I’m the one being told to clean better. And though I’ve never been an obsessive cleaner, I do like to keep my place nice and tidy. But my theory is that the 7 years I’ve spent in France as well as the years I worked in food service (which can be really gross) have changed my attitude towards cleaning and what is acceptable or not. In France, life is oriented to the outside. You go meet your friends in a cafĂ©, go have a picnic, go out, most social activity happens outside of your home. In Germany, people tend to spend much more time at home. They invite people over, but they would never do so without having cleaned the entire appartment first. I remember that my parents would announce on a Wednesday that my grnad-parents would come over on the weekend. Just so that I had my room tidy and presentable. And my mom would go nuts vacuuming and dusting.
I’m much more relaxed than that. I don’t care if there’s still a dust particle in some corner. I don’t mind when people don’t take off their shoes when they enter my room. (I only would if I had a carpet.) And I definitely don’t want to spend hours cleaning. So I do small chunks throughout the week, whenever it’s necessary. On the contrary my roommates prefer to sacrifice an entire day to clean, no matter if things got disgusting two days before cleaning day. And so my second goal for 2019 is: Get a place on my own!

The third resolution is an old one. I still want to finish my studies, even though I find it really hard to make it a priority. It’s just more appealing to have job where I get paid. Of course I know that a degree can be useful for getting better positions with higher paychecks, but I have to provide for myself right now, too. And so far, working and studying at the same time hasn’t worked that well for me, and it’s not just an issue with time managment. I hope that’ll change this year.

Last but not least, I’d like to start a podcast with a friend. I have no idea what that’ll be like, but I’m sure it’ll be fun, even if no one will listen.

And that concludes my list. What are your resolutions? Also, happy new year!

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