A few years ago, that was the question I was aske dby a guy I was seeing at the time. I didn’t think things would go into a serious direction, since he never gave me a reason to believe that and our dates just consisted of random hookups. Besides, we both worked at the same bar and so the stories I heard didn’t exactly convey that I could expect more than these random hookups. And then, one night, he asked me that question.
I was definitely caught off guard by that question. Especially because he would have been the last person I would have expected to ask me this. But I started thinking about it, and I still am, roughly 5 years later.
So what if I put everything on the table from the beginning? If I was completely honest? I guess it would be very entertaining if I had an audience. Because the options are pretty much the following:
- I hate you, but you’re unable to get non-verbal cues and also don’t understand when I’m being ironic. So in the “completely honest” scenario, instead of putting a special intonation on “Wow, tell me more.”, I would probably just say something like “That’s the worst story I’ve heard in my life” (- in my very German accent I have to say). But I also hate confrontation and I honestly see most of the things happening in my life as a part of a story that I tell other people. So if I’m on a shitty date but it has the potetnial of becoming the worst date in history, I’m staying. Just because it makes a funny story.
- I actually like you but I don’t wanna fuck you. That’s the boring option. It happens all the time. But somehow, people don’t seem to understand it, even though it really is nothing but DNA compatiblity, or incompability for that matter. (I’m talking about kissing someone and if feels as if it was one of your siblings. Not in a Game of Thrones- way.)
- I actually like you and I want to wear your skin. Slightly exaggerating here. But you get the idea. As soon as I really like someone, I’m becoming this romantic extremist who will show the same persistence in staying at your house as a roach. Not so cute.
And so, since I don’t want to come across as a crazy stalker or psychopath, I’m staying extra casual and I’ll pay attention to avoid certain topics – especially things that have to do with my family. No one needs to know how much of a nut job we all are. But I’ll also avoid talking about deliberately killing a Sims-family and having brutal fantasies about pigeons and a sharp stick, and of course your well-lotioned skin.
But then I start wondering: How would things be if I was more of a Ted Mosby? If I just told someone I very much appreciate, “I think I’m in love with you”? Besides of being fucking weird, I mean.
Tbh, If someone said that to me, I’d probably be like ” Oh thank you! – What’s your poison?” But considering that I make immediate judgements about people I don’t like, wouldn’t it also work the other way ’round?
Which leads me to my main question: Why is it scary if people are openly into you (especially if that goes without weird movie references)? Why does it seem too much if they seriously put their cards on the table? Honestly, everything would be so much easier if everyone could just say “Listen, I’m a cannibal, I want to eat you.” – “OK, cool.”/ “Yeah sorry, not my thing.”. But no, we have this different set of codes which make it seem wo much more complicated.
Like waiting for 3 days before texting. I know, it seems outdated, but that’s still a thing.
Or counting who paid for what. Seriously, what’s the point? Just bone if you want to.
Or saying certain things too early. Who makes this timeline? Why would you have to follow a schedule?
Unfortunately, I’m internalizing some of the mindsets above.
Not because I’m unaware, but because I want any potential anything last as long as it possibly can. Which apparently includes being a little phony from time to time – and making up a socially acceptable profile, even though that includes negating your love for naked cats (as well as your appreciation of well-lotioned skin).