Dating

Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?

“Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?” That’s one of the many questions you can answer on OKCupid. They actually have lots of interesting, sometimes even quite philosophical questions on there and I guess that’s why I’m still signed up. And in contrast to those who just answer these questions randomly, I really like to think about them. (Otherwise, why even bother?)

I probably should get a real hobby instead of overanalyzing shit that happens on dating sites or even my own life. But what can I do, I find both pretty entertaining – even if things don’t go the way I want them to.

I’ve always been more of the jealous type. I “blame” my astrological sign (Aries) and the fact that I’m an only child for that. I put blame in quotes, because I don’t think that being jealous is completely bad. In fact, when I’m with a guy and I’m not jealous, it usually means that I don’t care about him at all. Like he could be hit by a bus like Regina George and I’d just be like *shrug*. (Not that I wish that on anyone, of course. I just kinda measure my relation to someone by imagining something terrible happening to them and how I’d feel about it.)

Being the jealous type has never brought me anywhere and it’s probably the most unnecessary feelings one can feel. No good decision ever comes from jealousy. Instead, you get smashed cars, stalkers and murderers.

Apparently, jealousy was useful in prehistoric times, when heathen hunk needed to be sure that shawty did indeed carry his baby and not the cool hipster heathen’s offspring next cave/ when shawty needed to be sure she could rely on heathen hunk to provide for the kid. Today, we have DNA tests, but unfortunately, our heathen brain has stayed the same.

Or is it just my heathen brain? Because when I talked to a couple of friends who are in open relationships and who are really easygoing people in general, they told me that they’re not jealous at all. I kinda envy them. Mostly because I don’t really believe in monogamy. Even while being in the most amazing relationship (meaning we were pretty commited and there were no unadressed issues or whatever), I started looking at other people pretty fast and thinking about how being with that other person would feel like. Besides, what do you get out of monogamy and (let’s just throw that in) marriage? Security, maybe. And some advantages in taxes and a Golden Retriever. But: After you’ve spent every fucking second of the last 20 years with just one person, who doesn’t even care about you leaving the bathroom door wide open when you take a dump – because anyway, s/he stopped seeing you as a sexual being 10 years ago – wouldn’t it be nice to have a little excitement (other than a new car)? And if you’re truly in love with someone, wouldn’t you want them to have the most fun possible?

I actually think that open relationships would be the ideal form of living together. So why not live in communes as if it was the 60s. (The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. Because even if your significant other is seeing someone else, you will exactly know what going on. And with everyone’s participating equally, there’s no need to worry.)

But I guess that’d be too easy. After all, pop culture basically just exists thanks to heart break, complicated triangle relationships, treason and cheating. Can you imagine what we’d talk about if there was no more “Becky with the good hair”?

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