Tag Archives: job

Just blogging

To new chapters in life

Congratulations to me – I started a new job on Friday! Thanks to my addiction to social media, I was lucky enough to get recruited by an amazing company I can’t wait to work for. I don’t want to give away too many details, because you know, privacy and stuff (as if Goolge hadn’t already sold this information, I mean I got there with the help of Maps). But let me tell you, it’s big. It’s prestigious. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. And it’s scaring the crap out of me.

The last time I had a job I put high hopes into didn’t go so well. That was a year ago. And it just went horribly. I even wrote a short post about it, but since I was in the middle of a legal dispute with that company which shall not be named, I of course didn’t reveal to much information. I don’t have to explain that a lawsuit is the shittiest way to end any sort of relationship, even if it’s just professional. So having to go through this sort of experience definitely has an impact. There are definitely some positive aspects to it. First of all, there was a settlement agreement which was in my favor, But I also learned so much about our legal system and my rights. I was also reassured that being a pain in the ass sometimes really pays off, quite literally. But most of all, I learned to pay attention to contracts and fine print. And all in all, I did come out stronger of this experience. I would even say it was such an important lesson that I’m actually grateful for. How many people my age can say they have already sued someone, not to mention a company? That alone is weirdly empowering.

However, it was also a somewhat traumatizing experience. And yes, this may sound very much like first world problems, but with every new job I take, my mind also goes back to that time. And depending on the job, it gives me more or less anxiety.

Right now, my anxietey level on a scale from 1 to 10 is very much like a million. And I get constant flashbacks from this last shitty work experience.
Right now, my fear is not being up to the task. Right now, I feel like everyone puts all their hopes in me, even though I have no idea how to tackle the projects I’m already assigned to. Of course, there are people to help me, people I can ask. But that didn’t prevent a major impostor syndrome from kicking in. After just one day.

So the question I’m asking myself now is: “What could actually stop me from being successful at that job?” And my answer so far is: “Nothing, you just have to get your shit together.”

I mean on a rational level, what could go wrong? That I don’t know what people are expecting? That I won’t know if I’m doing a good job or not? Both are highly doubtable, since my company attachs great importance to giving feedback. (Something that hasn’t been the case with the company I had to sue.) Also, even though I’m the first person in my position, I’m not the first one to do all the work. I don’t have to figure stuff out by myself, There’s always someone I can ask. Also, I was not hired because of the number of followers I have on Insta, but because of my skills. And though the word “skills” kinda seems weird to me – it sounds so meaningful, but it’s nothing more than a summary of my experience – it’s definitely a better reference value than any number on social media.

So I guess I really just have to get over myself and stop second guessing. But putting in the hard work instead. (Which I’m more than willing to do, the company is just awesome!) So despite all anxiety and unnecessary stress fabricated by my brain:
Cheers to me!

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Just blogging

Club goin’ up on a Tuesday

I got to talk about my favorite anecdote today. And since I haven’t shared it here, yet, I thought I should do that. It’s about a club on a Tuesday. (It actually was a Thursday, but who cares, it doesn’t really matter.)

I had just moved from the 17th to the 18th arrondissement in Paris. If you’re not familiar with the specific characteristics of every arronidssement, the 17th is rather posh (at least the good side, meaning the part that’s not right next to the 18th) and the 18th is rather sketchy. Pigalle and Moulin Rouge are in the 18th. If you look at the history and architecture of Paris, it’s actually not surprising that Montmartre (which is the 18th) and its tiny dark side alley used to be the epicenter of all kinds of unlawful activities. But also or maybe for that exact reason, it was also the meeting point of great artists like Toulouse-Lautrec, Picasso, Modigliano, Van Gogh…

Especially the affiches of Toulouse-Lautrec are essential to Parisian culture. They were also the reason why I was and still am kinda obsessed with Montmartre. Of course it’s very touristy and somewhat artificial today. It’s basically just strip clubs and sex shops. However, during my time in Paris, there was nothing I loved more that strolling around the area. I know, it’s weird. But I’m a fan of Toulouse-Lautrec, so I wanted to soak in the atmosphere.

So there was this one day where I had no idea what to do with myself. I had just moved to the 18th, my apartment still was an unfurnished mess, I’d just spent the day on painting my room. All of my stuff was still in boxes and instead of a bed I only had a sleeping bag. It was a Thursday and I had taken the day off my work at Subway that day. After I’d spent the day painting the day painting, I wanted to do something fun. Unfortunately, all my friends either had to work that day or had class the next morning and were being way too responsible about that. Little fuckers.

So I decided to go take a walk in my new hood. I even had something to get from the pharmacy. (Awesome thing about Pigalle, there’s a pharmacy that’s open until midnight. I saved me from getting a conjunctivitis, once.) On my way to the pharmacy, I passed my all the strip clubs and sex shops. It was summer (and I was dressed like it) and all the owners were standing outside trying to lure people in. One guy outside of a strip club apporached me. I don’t remember exactly what he said, but I do remember that he was asking me if I’d want to work for him and therefore invited me in to have a look. I declined and continued my way to the pharmacy. But then on my way back from there, I thought: “Why not go in?” and so I decided that if he’d ask me a second time, I’d go in. Surprise, Surprise, he did. I even got a free drink. My boring Thursday had just gotten quite exciting. So I went to the strip club, on my own and still totally sober.

To be honest, it was one of the shittiest places I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t the fancy kind of strip club that Chuck Bass owns in Gossip Girl (gosh, I would have loved that!). No, it was just ugly and kinda sad. But I didn’t leave right away, it was way too interesting for that. I was introduced to the girls who worked there and sat down and had a chat with them. They basically told me that most part of their job was waiting. They’d arrive at 10pm, but apparently, the busiest time was from around 1 to 3 am. While we talked, two American dudes walked in. One of the girls danced for them. It was a Rihanna song. And wow was she amazing! I wish I could dance like that, it was amazing to watch. I was speechless when she told me that she learned it all on youtube. However, she didn’t get a big tip, even though her performance was awesome. I guess the shitty cheap atmosphere of the club made the guys act like shitty and cheap assholes. They left pretty quickly and then it was just the girls and me again. They told me about their lives and how they came to that place and I have to say, that night was one of the moments where I got a deeper understanding on what it means to be in that kind of industry. And just for the record, I don’t like the stigma around it. I hate it.

However, I very much appreciated the attitude of these girls. They were so warm and kind, it was amazing. I also liked that they had absolutely no shyness about their bodies. One girl showed me how her boobs could dance. Like she pulled away the tiny amount of cloth that was covering her nipples and let her naked boobs bounce with the rhythm of the music. You don’t see that everyday. And seriously, when it comes to body positivity, we should all be more like that.

Eventually, it was my time to leave. I could’ve stayed much longer, but I decided to call it a night after I’d seen literally everything. But I didn’t feel like just going home. So I stopped at a kiosk and bought a bottle of vodka and some diet coke before I made my way back to the appartment. (My friends were still being boring.)

I then spent the rest of the night watching The Rum Diary and take a sip of my Vodka Coke everytime Johnny Depp is having some of his drink. I got incredibly drunk that night and had one of my worst hangovers the day after. But so far, it’s one of my favorite anecdotes.

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Just blogging

Finding my talent

When I got fired earlier this year, it felt like a relief at first. I wasn’t happy in my job and didn’t feel like I was using my potential. But when I started sending out application letters again, I noticed that I don’t really have any selling points. Sure, I’ve worked for two big companies, one might even say prestigious and sure, I’ve spent time abroad. But in general, I think that my CV is rather mediocre. I’ve had sooo many different jobs that had nothing to do with my studies or where I wanted to go in life. And even though some of them were great experiences, I don’t think that they necessarily make my CV look better. Which btw is a stupid way to put it, because there’s probably always something you can learn. What I mean is, my CV just isn’t as impressive as I’d like it to be.

Besides, I totally underestimated the psychological impact that getting laid off would have on me. That short moment of relief was soon replaced by feeling rather depressed and worthless. The reason behind is that I have absolutely no idea what my strengths and talents are. And so far, I haven’t found anything I truly excel in. That’s why I bought one of the books “For Dummies” that’s supposed to help me with finding and developing my strengths. (Besides, I’ve read that in order to be successful, 10% of your money should go into learning stuff and developing skills. So I thought that book would be a good start.)

Unfortunately though, I started reading the book at a time where I was a little unstable and quite moody and sensitive. That was definitely a mistake. Because the first chapter of the book concentrates on assessing your personality and there are a bunch of tests that you can take. It’s a good concept, but again, I was far from being positive and optimistic that time and took every question in the worst way possible. No surprise that the results led me to believe I’m a garbage person with no social skills or any sort of capabilities.

I stopped reading there. And as ridiculous as it sounds, I’m even a little afraid to pick the book up again just because I don’t wanna go back to feeling awful all the time. But then of course, the book isn’t the reason if I feel shitty about myself. (Which is why counselling is definitely back on the table, btw.) Anyway, I’m still trying to figure out what I wanna do next. I even do have a few ideas, I just need to learn how to make them reality. Maybe I’ll try finding a mentor or something.

In the meanwhile, I’m working on my insta game, so maybe someday I can turn that into something. And it might sound cliché, but I’m still amazed by how much positivity there is on instagram and there are days where a good or funny comment puts me in a better mood.

As for my talents, I think I’m great at faking interest, procrastinating, taking naps, getting distracted and looking at baby animals. I think that should do to get me a stellar career.

 

Update:

Writing this blog post actually helped me focusing on things I am good at, even if it’s just small stuff. For example, I realized that I became really good at giving constructive criticism. (There’s a new trainer at my EMS class and he doesn’t really know what he’s doing yet, which was really annoying tbh. But instead of being a bitch about it I gave a constructive feedback with lots of me-messages and hope that he’ll do better next time – with a different client, not me.)

I’m also polite af (when I want to) and a great conversationalist. At least for a few minutes, before it turns out that the person I’m talking to is a total bore.

I’m also interested in lots of things, I’m getting more and more into non-fiction and podcasts. (My favorite podcast is Criminal, btw.) So even if this one’s kind of a mixed blessing, because I don’t have any specialty, it helps a lot with being a great conversationalist, knowing the history behind the 420 code or at least make creepy comments.

I’m also great at finding the right gif for any situation. My former colleagues would confirm.

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