Dating

The Front Porch Test

If you’ve watched How I Met Your Mother, you probably know Lily’s Front Porch Test. If you don’t, go watch it right now, because you’re missing a huge part of pop culture and also a great deal of life advice. Honestly, even after rewatching every episode at least 4 times, I can’t argue that pretty much everything in the show is somewhat applicable to my life. Well, except maybe the goat and getting injured by my friends.

Anyway, there’s this one episode that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, it’s The Front Porch Test. If you haven’t seen the show (watch it!): The Front Porch Test is basically an estimation of how well your date will integrate themselves into your group of friends and how well they will interact with them. The ideal is that the entire group grows old together and spends fun afternoons together playing a fictive card game on someone’s front porch.

Also, two of my closest friends are getting married this year, and so thinking of who would be fun and suitable enough to bring to the wedding has become my very own Front Porch Test. No one wants to look at photos and say, “Oh, there’s the […] people I love most in the world. And Bob.” So now I try to imagine who would be a great wedding date (even if I won’t bring a date – I’m writing this for the bride to be and who’s probably been like “Wtf, you’re not getting a + one!” this past minute. I love you. :*)

So as you guessed, similar to the show, my friends and I are super tight. And for some outsiders, we may come across as this weird community with funny rules that don’t match conventional ways. Sometimes, we joke about creating a cult which promotes an alternative lifestyle, similar to some in the 70s. In short, we’re a weird but very loving and loyal little bunch and especially during this last year, I’ve realized that my friends truly are my second family, as cliché as that sounds.

However, I also know that our group dynamic might not be for everyone and that some people would probably feel a little overwhelmed. And so with that in mind, whenever I was on a date, I started trying to imagine what would happen if I threw my date into this group.

Most of the time, things have ended way before the question of meeting the other person’s friends has even come up. But for the other times, it’s been interesting to watch. Though, I’d say that except for one, most of them managed rather meeehhh – which wasn’t a good sign, of course.

Sometimes, I imagine having people meet my friends who probably won’t be that comfortable with their openness and absence of polite filters. And just for the sake of my own entertainment, I actually invite them to everything. But then I think of how well they would actually fit in the group, and let’s say that I’d rather be surprised if it was a good match.

Now that could be a very conclusive assessment about my personality and my romantic choices. But this text isn’t about me, at least not primarily, so fuck that – I’m perfect.

Yet, I haven’t really met anyone who was comfortable enough with my friends. And since they’re the greatest part of my life, I would never want to date anyone who doesn’t fit in our cute little special group.

Because in the end, if there’s no one to count on, you can always count on your friends.

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Just blogging

What would you do if you died tomorrow?

I know, that’s such a corny question. So corny that it’s close to having a tattoo that says Carpe Diem. So corny that Nicholas Sparks would answer with a poop emoji if you texted him that question. And yet, that question popped into my head yesterday. (Well I guess I have a predisposition for corny stuff, I do love romcoms after all.)

Before I’m getting into details, it’s maybe a good idea to give you some background information first. So for a few weeks know, I’m noticing once again that I probably can’t eat all types of food. I’m sparing you the details, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that my intestins are not reacting well to wheat and/or gluten. And maybe some other stuff, too, since it’s been almost impossible for me to eat anything without some sort of complications. Of course, I’ve already seen a doctor and am currently doing all the exams to know what exactly is causing problems, but so far, there hasn’t been anything conclusive. But I was asked if we there were cases of cancer in my family. My doctor has such great humor.

Now I don’t think that I have cancer or anything severe, but I still asked myself: If that were the case and if I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied with my life so far? Would there be anything I regret? And even though I don’t have any regrets, my answer to the first question would be “It was ok.” Just that, nothing more, nothing less.

Have you heard of the marshmallow experiment? Where kids receive one marshmallow and if they manage to wait for a certain amount of time without eating that marshmallow, they receive another one? The marshmallow experiment supposedly shows who’s going to be successful in life (people who can make sacrifices for now to have a better result later) and who isn’t. I alsways thought I would be part of the latter. Though I would have done pretty well on the marshmallow experiment as I find marshmallows disgusting. But as for everything else, I find it incredibly hard and unnecessary to make sacrifices. My mom would say that’s because of my astrological sign, but I just think, if I can have something right now, why wait? However, I’ve tried to make some responsible choices, and since there’s no one else but me who’s paying for my fancies, holding back on certain things has become rather easy.

I’ve postponed travels because I thought it would be smarter to wait and really plan everything instead of just going somewhere, I’ve partly sacrificed my social life because I want to be successful in my work (and ultimatively earn a shitload of money of course). However, when thinking of the very abstract idea of dying tomorrow, these decisions, as smart as they may be in the moment, don’t seem smart at all. On the contrary.

If I was on my deathbed tomorrow, I would definitely be sad about not having spent enough time with my friends and not having travelled to all the places I wanted to. Also, it would also suck to acknowledge that I haven’t found a person to travel with, yet. I mean it’s awesome to be independent and stuff, but if it means doing stuff alone most of the time, it’s not always that great.

So what’s my verdict from this thought experiment? I sure don’t want to reverse my entire lifestyle. My work and professional success will always be very important to me as will be my independence. So to find a balance between me being somewhat of a workaholic, I will also focus on keeping my friendships strong and building new relationships as well. And I’m also planning my next vacation.

PS: Leave a comment if you recognize the featured image 🙂

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Just blogging

“Being drunk adds value to everything else in life.”

That is by far my most favorite quote from KUWTK! You cannot imagine how much I love Khloé for saying that. As soon as I heard it, I decided: “That’s going to be my motto.” Though tbh, it’s already been my motto, I just never put it in these words.

Funnily, I started drinking kinda late. When I was 17, it was a very good year… No, I was 18, actually. But since I didn’t do the whole take shots-drink-alcopops-and-use-funnels-thing (except for 1,2 occasions), I actually learned how to appreciate wine. Especially because I lived in France during that time.

Not that we don’t appreciate drinking in Germany, we mainly just use less sophisticated beverages. Think about it: Drinking beer at 10 AM is trashy AF. But having mimosas for breakfast is perfectly acceptable. Same goes for wine vs beer at noon.

Besides learning how to appreciate wine, I also noticed that it makes everyone’s company so much more enjoyable. Therefore, I wasn’t surprised when a former boyfriend told me that his family would pretty much empty an entire cellar during one family meeting. And I could totally relate – my family does exactly the same. But it’s not only your family that gets nicer with a few more glasses. I always find myself in way more interesting conversations or situations. After all, alcohol is a social lubricant, why else would they offer it en masse on The Bachelor? Though maybe I should add that I’m very friendly when drunk, I don’t get aggressive, unless there’s a chair I can fight over. (There was one funny incident in a bar. A good friend and I were sitting at a table with 3 chairs and since the bar was still empty at that time, I just put my bag on the third chair. One bottle of wine later, some dude came over and just wanted to grab the chair without asking. So I made this huge fight out of it and ended up yelling at him. I also think my friend was terrified.)

And I rarely get sad, either. On the contrary, I’m usually a little funnier and even wittier, or maybe it just seems like it because my senses are dulled, but I think that I’m at least a little more entertaining in one way or another. I also think that wine makes me more creative. It shuts up the inner critic. That’s why I barely ever write without a glass or two. (Or three, or four, or five…) Also, even though I would never consider me a writer, I’d love to be one. And the great ones, Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allan Poe, Truman Capote, Hunter S. Thompson weren’t known for their healthy lifestyle and their addiction to juice cleanses. Well, except grape juice.

And aren’t the crazy things you think, feel, say, do while being drunk what makes a great story?

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Dating

Some thoughts on dating

I’m finally sitting here with the glass of wine I’ve been craving since noon earlier today, I had the weirdest day and kind of started it in a bad mood. Funnily, it was thanks to my students who – let’s be honest – I usually find a little annoying, though they’re also very sweet, that my mood has tremendously improved throughout the afternoon. Anyway, today is my rest day and I’ll also watch the dramatic finale of the German version of The Bachelor later tonight, so why not have some wine to go with it? Besides, my goal for the future is becoming one of PLL’s wine moms. Though without the basement, of course. And now that I’ve written the longest and most unnecessary introduction that has ever existed since the literary era of realism, I can get to the topic I actually want to write about today. (I’m even putting it in italic letters, so if you don’t like long introductions, you can just skip it. Oh, I should have mentioned that in the beginning, my bad.)

Ok, where do I start? If I was a contestant on The Bachelor, I’d say “I feel so blindsided!!” and start sobbing pitifully. But guess that would be slightly exaggerated in my situation, because I’m talking about a two-dates situation. Though in the Bachelor world, being crushed, devastated and losing faith in humanity would totally count as an adequate reaction to not getting a third rose (not even date). Maybe I should apply after all. I mean I already like booze, pretty dresses, free travels and exposing my soul to total strangers. Oh and I wouldn’t mind getting instafamous either.

So I was texting a guy I’ve been on exactly two dates so far after I met him through an app. He actually looked like on his photos and I didn’t hate our conversations. Actually, he was not the kinda guy you’d normally see on a dating app. However, he kinda stopped texting me back not too long after that (which is never a good sign of course) and even on our second date, there were a few awkward mix-ups already. But hey, I’m somewhat optimistic sometimes and so I didn’t mind having someone asking me about playing the violin even though I’ve never touched an instrument before.

Anyway, when I sugessted that we meet up this weekend, he told me that he’s gotten serious with some other chick in the meanwhile. First of all, seriously? How serious can you get with someone in the course of two weeks? And secondly, if you started seeing her before, why even bother meeting me? Especially if she’s really, I mean REALLY awesome. But I guess everyone understands what I’m implying here.

Somewhere in between many more mean, cynical and sarky thoughts (which I won’t share here, I can be really mean in my head), I also started wondering “When is the right moment to discuss what kind of relationship you want to have with someone?”.

As I mentioned in a former blogpost, I’m not opposed to an open relationship. But I think that in order to get there, you have to have a phase of plain monogmay where you get to know each other and especially each other’s boundaries, insecurities, doubts, daddy issues etc. to well establish a certain amount of trust before inviting other people in. Imo, if you don’t do that, you’re just a horny hippie who will most probably need all the drugs you can get just to be able to go through the drama that ensues (in addition to the 17 puberties you’ll have to deal with).

But how do you bring this sort of thing up on a first or second date? When I watched Netflix’ Dating Around, I was actually shocked by how quickly they spoke about future plans and about having children. They hadn’t even had dessert yet! I can’t even describe how weirded out I’d be if that happened to me. But then on the other hand, I will never have the same clarity within the first couple of dates as the people who ask these questions.

But maybe, I like the uncertainty. See, I knew from very early on that I’m not that much of a people’s person. Mostly because I like individuals instead of people in general. I also knew from a quite early age that having a career is more important to me than having an amazing social calendar (except if the social calendar is related to my career). I highly value being independent, to the point that I can hardly imagine living with someone I’m involved with romantically and who I can’t just ignore like my roommates. I guess all these things together are part of the reason why I don’t want to have kids and even why I dislike dogs. But when it comes to dating, I’ve noticed that actually many people fit in rather stereotypical, conservative patterns. Everyone seems to be looking for something secure, a sure thing, something that has the potential of lasting forever. And marriage of course. (My only reasons to get married would be the dress and the party.)

So you can probably say that I don’t exactly convey the security of a stable lifestyle. I move all the time. (I’m not even kidding, I moved 11 times in the last 10 years.) I like putting myself first. And I hate the idea of doing the same thing or person for the next 50 years to come. To me settling down sounds like a death penalty, which I’m very much opposed to.
Instead of getting a Golden Retriever, I want to travel the world and experience things. I definitely don’t want a conservative suburban life. But maybe that’s too complicated. Maybe I should want to wear mom jeans and just be happy. Maybe I’m too difficult by wanting someone who’s adventurous but also knows what he wants instead of trying to keep all options open. Maybe I should be less difficult and lower my expectations, just as some rather simple people have told me to. And maybe I should be less career oriented and valuing family more.
Well no, that won’t happen.

I want to spend my time with someone who shares the same values and who isn’t afraid of commitment. Someone who prefers complexity over comfort. And who’s also insanely hot and smart AF of course. But then again, dating just isn’t a priority for me, even though I have to admit that I do own a copy of Matthew Hussey’s book. But I’m way more interested in communication techniques in general than in attracting guys and finding love. However, if by any chance, you’re a hot guy with great intellect, feel free to drop me a line. But only if you’re a cat person.

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Dating

Love & courage

Words can’t describe how I feel right now. I’m in a huge black void, there’s nothing but emptiness. And all I want is to take a break from the world and its mundane matters. All I want is to be surrounded by vast nothingness until I’m ok. Like deep diving diving in the ocean. With all my senses numbed and I hear nothing but my breathing. That’s what I want right now.

We didn’t make any promises, we didn’t have any expectations. Yet, nothing stays as light as may be in the beginning. And even without expectations, you still hope for the best, you even trick yourself into believing that best possible outcome will happen. But then things get too complicated. And we’re in an era where convenience trumps complication. Bold statements seem to be a relic from the past. If there’s even a slight chance of getting hurt, many of us don’t seem to be ready for the dare. And before something has even begun, it’s s the end.

Does no one read books any more? How come that everyone’s trying to play things safe? And what’s the point in that, after all? The great loves are the crazy ones. (Thank you, Blair.) What would we even read if Goethe, Austen, Verlaine etc. had decided that love has to be easy and convenient?
Nothing worth having is easy to get. So why are we so eager to blow things off when it comes to love? Is it fear? Is it a lack of courage? Maybe both?

No one wants to be hurt, of course. But does that mean that we have to be cautious with everything? What happened to the All-in-or-out-mentality? Why aren’t people willing to take risks anymore? In the end, you can never know how things will turn out. Even if you’re happy for 10 years, it won’t guarantee happiness for the next 10 years to come.

So all it takes is a leap of faith and some courage to make things work. And yes, you may get hurt in the process. But is it that important when there’s so much more to gain?

And until you decide, I’ll be here in my ocean bubble.

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Just blogging, Society

What does freedom even mean?

A few weeks ago, I went to an event for personal development. It was fun and got to know a few interesting people. Besides, some theories that have to do with personal development can be quite challenging. One that I’ve already mentioned here on the blog is the concept that a positive mindset can and will change everything. According to that idea, you are the creator of your reality because you can controll how your mind works. For example you can complain about a shitty party and regret having paid way too much to get in there and for the disgusting booze they serve, or you can choose to make the best out of it and decide to have an awesome time. Tbh, I have no clue how you can decide to have an awesome time if everything around you is awful, but I guess that’s just my underdevelopped personality speaking.
Now to sum up what I wrote in that other blogpost, I do think that a positive attitude is definitely helpful, but in my opinion that alone won’t help much.

Related to the the concept of being in control of your fate by choosing a positive mindset is the concept of freedom. The opposite of that are limiting beliefs – meaning stuff that’s based on personal assumptions. For example saying things like “I can’t just go talk to that person.”, “Bungee jumping is too dangerous.”, “Sharks are evil.”… would fall into the category of limiting beliefs. So in that logic, if you free yourself from your own limiting beliefs, then you’re free to do whatever you want. Which leads me to a conversation I had this afternoon.

As much as I appreciate and also encourage personal growth, some of the personal development theories slightly make me think of cults. When you hear stuff like “Our fates are just the products of our thinking” and “We are all god-like creatures”, or even “Everything the universe has created is perfect” I can’t help but roll my eyes. I also hate phrases like “I love all creatures”. The person I talked to today claimed he loves Trump, just because he’s human as we all are. Sorry, but this is the dullest, stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Nothing in life is just love and happiness. There has to be some rage, some drama, maybe even a few schemes and feuds. And if it’s just to keep things interesting. If things were supposed to always be brilliant, nothing but peace and happiness, why would anyone love soap operas? Or Gossip Girl. I for one am a big fan. (And let’s be honest, the outfits weren’t THAT great.) – And if there’s some higher power that created humans, I guess it loves soap operas as well. Think of all the drama, wars, sex, crime, whatever we have on earth. And then imagine being able to get a private closeup to every single scene, like a VIP access. Who needs VR if you can have omnipresence?

Equally weird as the phrases I mentioned above is the belief that we’re absolutely free when in comes to the decisions we make. If we’re honest, can anyone experience absolute freedom? In my opinion, the answer to that question is a clear and resounding no. And the main reason is that we’re human beings, which means that we actually need the contact to others to stay alive. More, being in a relationship, being in love is like a drug, we’re nothing but little junkies getting high on our daily interactions. So of course, all of our conventions, all of our values are pretty much based on how each inviduum is acting within a group. And honestly, I don’t believe people who say that they don’t care about what others think of them. Maybe they don’t care about a certain group. I for example couldn’t care less about what people in a karaoke bar think of me (my poor friends can confirm). But then there are numerous situations where I actually do care and where I’ll probably be more likely to “play by the rules”, meaning and stick to social conventions, even if it’s just a facade. Like a little white lie.

Besides, did you know that keeping up the social charade where you don’t always speak your mind is actually is proof of good taste? A few centuries ago, this was described as decorum, or in another word, etiquette. And it wasn’t just used to make living and interacting with other humans easier. One could also use it strategically by wisely choosing what to say to whom. When I think of decorum, I always think of Cersei. (Side note: Why do people hate her? I honestly don’t get it.)

But are you truly free if your entire behavior only shows certain aspects of you? I don’t think so. And before you’re pronouncing that outcry I’ve already heard so many times, before you say, “Oh no, I’m always authentic!” or “I would never manipulate people that way!”, go ask yourself: Have you ever omitted an information just because you were embarrassed? Have you ever complimented someone on a new haircut that, in fact, was butt ugly? Have you ever cancelled a date or a party under some dumb pretext just because you preferred staying home with your cat instead of being social? Or have you ever called in sick at work when the only issue you had was a slight hangover paired with a massive feeling of laziness? (Just for the record, I would count massive hangovers as sick, I mean they’re just a version food poisoning.) Or have ever you worried about the neighbors or roommates being able to hear the noise of you while being with your significant other? If at least one of these scenarios is familar to, I welcome you to the world of everyday manipulation. And for every lie we tell, we give up a little amount of freedom, even if it’s nothing but the brain space which is used to remember which lie we told whom. But we’re social beings. If we would have to choose between absolute freedom aka no social conventions, just brutal honesty on one hand, and a healthy social life on the other, I’m pretty sure we would always choose the latter. So instead of telling your friend to get a life because s.he’s been annoying you with boring stories about her.his non-existing love life, you sit patiently, thinking about all the other possibilities how you could have spent your afternoon instead of listening to that crap, mourning the fact that you decided to be a good friend who’s there for the other, but already plotting your revenge – the moment when you need a catsitter, well knowing that your cat’s an asshole – but of course, not mentioning any of this because after all, you really really want to be a good friend, even if it means being in pain for a few moments. And since you’re such a good friend, you of course brought some wine to cheer your friend up, completly ignoring the fact that you’re the one drinking all of it, because your suffering in this exact moment is muuuuuch bigger.

Now one could argue that being free doesn’t mean not taking responsability for your actions, and I totally agree. But the thing is that the functioning on our socitey is mostly based on some sort of compromise, even if it’s a compromise we maybe wouldn’t make if our social standing wasn’t endangered if we didn’t play along. Besides, since we’re not even fully aware how conventions may or may not impact us, the idea of doing something just because you think it may be your personal preference is totally fake. Take shaving for example. Is it really a choice that you fully make on your own, or does shaving or not-shaving always include a message you want to send? Either way, it automatically includes other people. That in my opinion, has nothing to do with freedom.

And I won’t even get to the point where I explain that freedom, no matter if real or fake, is just momentarily. No one can ever claim it for forever. Other people can take way too much of control over your life, may it be by hiearchy, family status, or by holding you hostage. So saying that everyone is free in their actions is total BS. Maybe next time, I’ll ask one of the you-have-the-power-to-create-your-own-destiny-people what their opinion on prostitution is. Or if there’s an age threshold to pass in order to have the power of creating your destiny. I’m thinking of human trafficking and child abuse here. Are the victims free to choose their destiny? Or, referring to my previous blogpost here, did they have it coming because of their shitty mindset?
But also, just living in a normal household and having a curfew kinda limits your freedom.

But even if we don’t concentrate on the importance other people have on our freedom, we ourselves are not free. Our biological needs prevent that. If I want to go on a 60-days-hike, start just like that, not bring any water or food, well, I won’t be able to. I’ll die instead. If I have everything, even in abundance, just except human contact, I’ll die. Humans are not supernatural, god-like beings. We simply can’t do whatever pleases us just because. We would have to bring a suitcase for example. But that would be a compromise, since it would be hindering while moving around for example.
We’re not totally free.

So to answer to the question I raised in the hedline: Freedom is nothing but an idea. There’s no total freedom. For everything we do, every decision we make, there’s a price to pay. One could even go as far and say everything in life is a transaction. (Maybe I’ll get to that in another blogpost.) I know, it sounds depressing. But freedom is a concept created by humans, as is society. So it’s not really surprising that it’s flawed, is it?

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Mental Health

When it comes to my body…

Today, I posted quite the revealing pic of me on insta. 
Though revealing is quite an exaggeration. All you can see are my abs, basically. But I’m not on a beach and I’m not wearing a swimsuit, so I guess the character of the photo is a little different from candid snapshots taken on vacation. Except, I’m not even sure. 

As I said, one could probably say that my photo seems like something very private, just judging by the fact that it was taken at home and not in a public place. But in contrast to that, it’s actually quite innocent. I mean even the lingerie I’m wearing consists of much more fabric than any random bikini. And still, I really hesitated and wasn’t sure whether I should post it or not. Tbh, I still don’t know if it was a good idea. 

But the more I thought about my doubts, the more I thought that I would have to post it. Just because I’m so tired of the double standard regarding male and female bodies. There are tons of accounts on insta that are dedicated to hot, bare-chested dudes. There are no less accounts that show women and their best ass-ets (couldn’t resist). But the difference is in the comments. As I mentioned in my last post, I looooove reading comment sections. And I can’t remember the last time I read any negative comment about some Abercrombie model flexing his abs. However, when I look at the comment section of a post showing a women displaying more or less the same amount of nudity, I can often find at least one that’s at least somewhat deregatory. Even, or maybe especially when it’s just emojis, you know eggplants and stuff.

Obviously, that’s neither the type of comments, nor the kind of audience I want to attract. And if I was queen of the world, I would ban those creeps to some far away planet where their skin would melt the minute they sat foot on it. But since I’m not in that position, I’m constantly second-guessing what I should and shouldn’t post on social media. Even if the content is actually harmless like my abs. 

It’s not the first time that I have these thoughts. A while back, I did a bunch of boudoir photoshoots (they’re the easiest to get if you’re looking for TFP or even paid photoshoots). I was very happy with the pictures. They were very tasteful and I actually loved how I looked in them. And I’m my own worst critic, so this means a lot. However, I never dared showing them to anyone but very few people. After all, these were pictures of me in lingerie, what kind of image would that create?

In an ideal world, people would recognize these pictures as what they are: A capture of someone who feels comfortable in their body. But in our world, we have eggplant emojis. And that’s why I never really showed these photos to anyone. 

But I’m sick of this BS. There are enough moments where I hate the way I look. So if there are days where I’m proud of body, I want and should be able to share that. Especially in 2018. Besides, I want women to finally feel comfortable expressing themselves in any way possible. That may or may not include corporeality. And even if I’m a big fan of aesthetics, I also know that it may not always be pretty – #tweetyourperiod – but it’s controversy and not consensus that helps you evolve. Why else would it be that in history, new forms of art were at first dismissed as dilettantism? 

Btw, I’ve noticed that it’s only the people with a very low self-esteem that who will attack others, verbally or even physically. But I guess that’s a different topic which I will maybe discuss to some extent in an upcoming blogpost.

But to sum up this article, I definitely agree with Emily Ratajkowski. If someone wants to get naked, let them, Don’t be a dick about it, don’t body shame them. And don’t make assumptions about their moral standards. 

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Mental Health

Feeling fat and thin privilege

Did I ever mention that I love instagram? 😀 Well today, I came across a post of a fat girl eating chocolate (I think I can say that here, since she refers to herself as fat. Otherwhise I wouldn’t.) In her post, it said that “Fat is not a feeling, but an oppressed body type” and in the caption she went on describing how hurt she felt when some girl at Starbucks said she felt fat and that someone thin of course doesn’t know the “discrimination that comes from living in a fat body.” 

Of course, I had to check the comment section ( I LOOOVE comment sections) and found a comment which read “Thin privilege is real and those who have it need to be made aware.”

Sorry, but wtf?????  

First of all, thin privilege? I guess this statement adresses people who are not overweight, which probably is a majority of people. What does thin privilege even mean, seriously? That people won’t make assumptions about your health because of your weight? That maybe it’ll be easier for you to get matches on Tinder? Or that a company won’t have to make calculations on how many days you’ll be out of office because of problems that are linked to your weight? Tbh, I’ve never heard of “thin privilege” before. Tbh, I didn’t do any research on this either, this blogpost is just me reacting on a post I saw on insta, so I’m just writing down my initial thoughts. But it pretty much sounds like an overweight person complaining about not being thin. And in my opinion, there’s no point in doing so, it’s not like you can’t change your appearance.

Anyone can gain our loose weight, it just comes down to nutrition and exercise – and maybe some willpwer. (Except maybe if you have some serious diseases, like a thyroid malfunction.) 

Btw, the account I’m talking about shows nothing but an overweight girl eating food and bitching about discrimination. And I get it, it’s a pretty shitty move of people to think they have a say on what you should and shouldn’t look like. As I’ve mentioned in former blogposts, I’ve had the experience.
My family, people at school, boyfriends, photographers, strangers on the street, pretty much everyone has felt the need to share their opinion about my weight with me, as if it was any of their business. Or as if my job on earth only consisted in pleasing them.  I guess what I’m saying is that as long as you’re happy with yourself and the way you lok like, then there are no fucks to be given on other people’S opinions. However, if you’re using social media to passive-aggressively release your anger, then you might wanna change a thing or two about your lifestyle. 

No one is slave to their body. So saying stuff like “living in a fat body” as if you were trapped in it and couldn’t do anything about it is not a thing, or should I say excuse? It’s also not a reason to skinny-shame average-weight people. And of course. there are differend shapes and bodytypes. But morbidly obese is not a body type. 

Your body is there to support you and help you through  life. It allows you to move and do stuff. It’s the only ally that will sure stick with you your entire life. Therefore, treat it with respect and take good care of it. That’s all it’s gonna ask in return. And it has its way of showing you when you fucked up, if it’s your skin, your weight, or your health. So you might as well take it seriously.

And instead of finding excuses for being fat, maybe start working on reasons that hold you back from getting fit. 

PS: Feeling fat is a thing. Just to clarify, and I don’t care if anyone gets offended or not, it’s the feeling that you get when you were eating for three and you’re well aware of it/ can feel your jeans getting tighter already.



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Just blogging, Society

Get yourself a life

You probably noticed by now that I like spending time on social media, especially instagram. I also like stalking people I find interesting online – see where they live, try to find out what the odds are that we become best friends. And that’s why I always read people’s bios. Sometimes, I also stalk people who left really dumb comments on someone’s picture, just to know who the person behind the stupid statement is. I guess this little fact about myself shows that I should get myself a life, but this blogpost is not about me. It’s about how other people see and describe themselves.

A few days ago, I came across two profiles that were really cool. Very cohesive feeds, great style, just everything I find nice to look at and maybe even inspiring. So of course, I thought about following them, but before, I had a look at their bios. The first one said “Wifey”, which is not uncommon on instagram, as is “bride to be”. The second bio read “pursuing him…”, something I’ve also read a couple of times already. Yikes!

I didn’t follow either of them. Instead, I was wondering why (at least some) women constantly define themselves through men or the relationships they have. Similar mentions to the bios I described above are bios such as “proud mommy” or “dog mom”, where it’s all about motherhood, whether that’s to a dog or a kid.

So when you’re creating an account on a platform where you can let all your narcissism out, why would you make it about someone else? I get it, you’re very proud to have a boyfriend and you constantly need to remind people that you’re oh so happy in your relationship or marriage because you can’t even believe it yourself. You love your dog to the point that you can ignore the fact that the little perv spends most of the day licking its balls and wants your supervision when pooping. You’re probably about to edit a pic that shows your dog’s nasty tongue in your face in this exact moment. And yes, of course you love your kids. You love them so much that you don’t give a shit about their privacy,  because after all, your pushed them out of your vag and that’s such a freaking miracle. Like one that has never happened before. So why would you keep these things private?
And of course I can also understand that you want all that, the happy happy, picture perfect family, but somehow, it just hasn’t happened for you yet and so you want to make sure you spread the word that you’re single. Sure, you’ve heard many times that you come across as aggressive or even creepy, but they just don’t understand what it means to be a true romantic. I know, it’s hard to accept when your crush doesn’t like you back and that giving, ahem, … subtle… hints on social media will magically have him infatuated, I mean how couldn’t he be, your photos are so pretty! After all, it’s what the fortune teller told you. AND HOW COULD PEOPLE DARE CALL YOU DESPERATE WHEN YOU’RE CLEARLY NOT!!!

I know, I know, you’re a strong independent woman and you need no man or whatever. But darling, please act like it. It’s ok to put yourself first from time to time, even if that means posting pictures of your Skinny Latte instead of your dog. If you like latte pictures, go for it. People are tired of seeing your dog, anyway. Take time to do stuff that only benefits you instead of pleasing others. In short: Go get yourself a life! One that passes the Bechdel Test.

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Just blogging, Society

Triggering dots

 

You’ve probably seen memes like “Let’s eat grandma”, “Eat. You’re food” or “I find inspiration in cooking my family and my dog”, right?
Well, I’m OBSESSED with them, almost as much as I’m obsessed with typography and puns about kerning. Obsessed in a way that makes me wanna write the word in all caps. I’m the kind of person who, when receiving a badly spelled text, checks how close two letters are on the keyboard. I cannot go without correcting people when they mispronounce a word or when they’re just using stupid anglicisms that only exist in their imagination. I definitely judge people by the language they’re using and I don’t care how arrogant or how much of an asshole I can be when it comes to using the correct form.  In short, I’m a grammar nazi.

As you can guess, I take punctuation pretty damn seriously. A missing comma can drive me mad. That’s why, in my writing, I love using all sorts of punctuation marks in abundance. However, sometimes I wish people just would use them less. I’ll explain.

So yesterday, a friend texted me because she had a question regarding a paper. I didn’t reply right away because I had other shit to do first, but I stuck a mental post-it on my brain so that I would not forget to text her back later that day. It’s a system that works pretty well. However, she apparently couldn’t wait to hear back from me and so she sent me this:

?

And I was immediately fed up. By a single question mark.

There may be some deeper issues to this, but everytime someone sends me The Single Question Mark, I’m getting actually offended. Like how does this person dare to think I have nothing else going on but reply to their text? Well I got news for you honey, the world doesn’t evolve around you, calm the hell down. Also, even if our texts are sent instantly – unless you’re using Google Hangouts, which is the Internet Explorer of messaging services – that still doesn’t mean you’re entitled to an instant response. I’ll get back to you when I get back to you. And sending me annoying question marks won’t make me text you back any faster. On the contrary, they make me feel way more inclined to tell you to fuck off.

Another punctuation monstrosity I often see in text messages is the ellipsis. In books or any other kind of prose, even in dramas and poems, the ellipsis can be a great stilistic device. But in text messages the three dots are actually super creepy. Take these two phrases:

I like children.
vs.
I like children…

The first one: just a normal statement.
But the second… creepy as hell! If someone sent me a text like that, I’d probably call Child Rescue Service. The three dots make everything sound like a sleazy ad on Craigslist. So can please someone explain to me why people carelessly garnish their DMs with a countless amount of ellipses?

And yes, I agree that you don’t write text messages the same way you’d write a letter. Does anyone still write letters btw? Or postcards? If you don’t, you should. Analog is the new cool. Anyway, if you’re overwhelmed with punctuation in text messages, just use emojis… and you might have a 50% chance of not coming across as creepy.

 

PS: My latest website discovery while searching for a featured image was Digital Synopsis. If you love creative stuff like digital design and typography, this will be your new drug.

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