Tag Archives: mindset

Dating

Why period sex is fucking ok

Today, I I had this long conversation about comedy with a friend. It started by him sendning me a video of some dude making jokes about having sex with women who are on their period. I wasn’t having it.

And it wasn’t about the topic, really, everyone has the right to be grossed out by whatever they want. What I found problematic was the delivery. It’s some pathetic dude claiming to be a man because he hasn’t washed his sheets in 7 months, but a drop of menstrual blood is too much for him to handle. Seriously, why does that even make a comedy routine?

If you think about it, sex in itself is pretty disgusting. All these bodily fluids getting mixed up – and I’m not even thinking of anal here. OMG. It’s just a very wet and sometimes smelly business. From a purely reasonable point of view, people would probably not have sex. Because if you take out the “I’m hormy” part, it’s just not appealing. (Those who continue to watch porn after they cum might know what I’m talking about.)
But we have hormones and shit that keep us interested in icky stuff. And in my experience, that doesn’t change for when a woman is on her period.

I know lots of men who don’t mind at all if it’s that time of the month or not. Now that I think of it, I haven’t dated a single man who had a problem with having sex while me having my period. I took it more or less for granted and sometimes, I even wished they were more like “I’ll give you a massage” instead of like “I don’t mind, we can do it anyway”. And that’s not because I didn’t like their approach, but because there was so much going on inside of me already that I didn’t need the extra action down there.

However, I always saluted their mindset. I mean a good pirate also sails the Red Sea. So I’ll take an overzealous lover over a scared one every day of the week, just because I prefer their mindset. Besides, there are so many benefits that come from it, so why not? Just because you don’t want to ruin the sheets? Lol.

Of course, everyone has the right to be grossed out by certain things. I guess period blood is not for everyone, as is having semen on your face or having anal sex (just to give some examples). But labelling period sex as gross (as that stupid comedian did) is just wrong imo. And I just hope that most people just stay open-minded in general, and won’t put degrading labels on stuff or actions or even people. Everyone should just do what and whoever whenever they want.

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Just blogging

Do you attract what you deserve?

Around two months ago, I went to see a life coach. I know, that’s probably one of the most pretentious things one could say – and I have to admit that I took great pleasure in talking about it, just because it’s sounds so decadent. I went to see him more or less by accident, I was just looking for a therapist and he seemed to be the most popular one. Something I didn’t think about at the time is that since it’s not High School, it’s more important to find a therapist that’s competent rather than popular, but that’s a different story.

But no matter what I think of him, he made some points that were quite interesting. One for example, that there’s no such thing as coincidence. At first, I was like “Ok, whatever, who cares”, especially because he gave this tired example of a butterfly that creates a tsunami with a flap of its wings. Sure, why not, if you want to believe in this kind of stuff. I mean if it were true, wouldn’t it be an eternal loop of tsunamis? There’s always a butterfly somewhere and I highly doubt that they’re choosing to walk because they don’t want to hurt the poor human kind and because they’re aware of the disastrous power of their devilish wings. On the other hand, now that I’m writing this, the movie The Mothman Prophecies makes total sense in the way that moths/ butterflies are superior to us. It’s been a while that I’ve seen the movie, so this summary is probably far from accurate. Also, sorry for going off topic once again.

Anyway, where was I? Coincidences. Yeah, apparently, they don’t exist. So the idea here is that once you put your mind to something, everything will align. Meaning that if bad things keep happening to you, it’s because you don’t have the right, positive attitude.

My two-sessions-life-coach also said that the universe takes care of things and told me that he “outsources” certain tasks to the universe every morning. Like, I need a new apartment, take care of it.

The universe part definitely does sound ridiculous, but I guess the general idea is that you don’t have to shoulder a difficult task on your own. So it’s just a different form of religion. Plus, if you believe that everything will be fine eventually, you’ll probably work towards that outcome subconsciously.

The funny thing is, since I heard these statement, I started to notice more and more things happening that were in alignment with the stuff I was working on or hoping for. Though it was nothing major so far, just a few occasions. For example, I feel like I’m slowly meeting more like-minded people. But I guess that’s rather because I’m trying to make new connections, outside of my usual crowd where it’s always the same people and always the same things. Which would bring me back to (subcosciously) working towards your goal.

But something I find truly surprising is when I hear about other people’s experiences, especially when it’s about their interactions with others. Personally, I’ve only met very few assholes in my life. Of course, it would have been much nicer if I hadn’t met them, but in the end, it doesn’t matter who crosses your path, there’s always something you can learn from them. And again, I was lucky with the small number of dickheads I had in my life. In contrast to that, one of my coworkers seems to have had her share of unpleasant encounters. But at the same time, her attitude in general isn’t great either, at least in my opinion. And I can observe the same thing in my family: those with a negative mindset seem to attract more shit than those who think positive. Or is it just that they only talk about the annoying/exhausting/chaotic things in their lives instead of focussing on what’s good?

Since the beginning of this month, I’m doing a gratefulness challenge. Everyday, I have to write down a couple of things I’m grateful for. I’ve already had some time to think about what it means to be grateful because earlier this year, I tried a meditation app where one of the topics was being grateful. Back then, my first reaction was a rather cynical one. It’s kinda hard to feel grateful when you rather adhere to a life-is-pain-philosphy. Thinking of stuff I could be grateful for didn’t lift me up, it actually made me spiral even more. I then decided that meditation isn’t for me, especially because I find people who are always zen kinda dull. I prefer outbursts of emotion, even if that’s not always the smartest or most constructive way to go. But at least it’s honest. Anyway, writing down the things I usually don’t really think about, like having two legs that work pretty well, having all of my limbs and organs for that matter; having a place to live, some money etc. has definitely helped me to realize how much we take for granted. Weirdly, I also feel more confident.

Nevertheless, I don’t believe that the mind controls all and that a positive attitude will get you anywhere. That would be like saying that if you’ve been struck by lightning, it’s probably because your mind wasn’t in the right place. The whole approach of letting positive thinking guide you and everything will work out is downright arrogant. But it’s a great way to sell books and seminars and whatnot. Because who wouldn’t want to believe that they already have the tools for a fulfilled and happy life, they just need to be uncovered!

Anyway, I do think life is easier with a positive approach. Besides, it’s more likely that people will help you out in difficult situations if you don’t act like Ebenezer Scrooge.

On that note, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!

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Mental Health

When it comes to my body…

Today, I posted quite the revealing pic of me on insta. 
Though revealing is quite an exaggeration. All you can see are my abs, basically. But I’m not on a beach and I’m not wearing a swimsuit, so I guess the character of the photo is a little different from candid snapshots taken on vacation. Except, I’m not even sure. 

As I said, one could probably say that my photo seems like something very private, just judging by the fact that it was taken at home and not in a public place. But in contrast to that, it’s actually quite innocent. I mean even the lingerie I’m wearing consists of much more fabric than any random bikini. And still, I really hesitated and wasn’t sure whether I should post it or not. Tbh, I still don’t know if it was a good idea. 

But the more I thought about my doubts, the more I thought that I would have to post it. Just because I’m so tired of the double standard regarding male and female bodies. There are tons of accounts on insta that are dedicated to hot, bare-chested dudes. There are no less accounts that show women and their best ass-ets (couldn’t resist). But the difference is in the comments. As I mentioned in my last post, I looooove reading comment sections. And I can’t remember the last time I read any negative comment about some Abercrombie model flexing his abs. However, when I look at the comment section of a post showing a women displaying more or less the same amount of nudity, I can often find at least one that’s at least somewhat deregatory. Even, or maybe especially when it’s just emojis, you know eggplants and stuff.

Obviously, that’s neither the type of comments, nor the kind of audience I want to attract. And if I was queen of the world, I would ban those creeps to some far away planet where their skin would melt the minute they sat foot on it. But since I’m not in that position, I’m constantly second-guessing what I should and shouldn’t post on social media. Even if the content is actually harmless like my abs. 

It’s not the first time that I have these thoughts. A while back, I did a bunch of boudoir photoshoots (they’re the easiest to get if you’re looking for TFP or even paid photoshoots). I was very happy with the pictures. They were very tasteful and I actually loved how I looked in them. And I’m my own worst critic, so this means a lot. However, I never dared showing them to anyone but very few people. After all, these were pictures of me in lingerie, what kind of image would that create?

In an ideal world, people would recognize these pictures as what they are: A capture of someone who feels comfortable in their body. But in our world, we have eggplant emojis. And that’s why I never really showed these photos to anyone. 

But I’m sick of this BS. There are enough moments where I hate the way I look. So if there are days where I’m proud of body, I want and should be able to share that. Especially in 2018. Besides, I want women to finally feel comfortable expressing themselves in any way possible. That may or may not include corporeality. And even if I’m a big fan of aesthetics, I also know that it may not always be pretty – #tweetyourperiod – but it’s controversy and not consensus that helps you evolve. Why else would it be that in history, new forms of art were at first dismissed as dilettantism? 

Btw, I’ve noticed that it’s only the people with a very low self-esteem that who will attack others, verbally or even physically. But I guess that’s a different topic which I will maybe discuss to some extent in an upcoming blogpost.

But to sum up this article, I definitely agree with Emily Ratajkowski. If someone wants to get naked, let them, Don’t be a dick about it, don’t body shame them. And don’t make assumptions about their moral standards. 

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