Author Archives: jlouisewinter

Just blogging

Boooooooobs!

A few weeks ago, I went to see my gyno because I’ve been thinking about having breast reduction for quite some time now. I never really liked my boobs – when I was a teenager, they were pretty small, maybe an A or a B cup. But then I started with hormonal contraception and within a year, they jumped to a D cup. With the result that now, my boobs look like they belong to a 40 yo, even though I’m nowhere close that age.  If I wanted to use the same words as a guy sexting me, my boobs are massive.

But what guys maybe meant as a compliment wasn’t nice to hear for me: It may sound silly, but I always thought about the cute clothes and bralettes I couldn’t wear and how damn difficult it is for me to find a cute bikini. Especially since most brands seem to get really lazy with sizes. Putting S,M, or L on a binkini top is NOT helpful. NOT HELPFUL AT ALL!

The only reason for me to keep my boobs was because I was working in bars and so I thought, more boobs equal more tips. (Not considering that we’d all wear ugly t-shirts, of course.) Seriously, that and not having any money were the only reasons why I kept them. Besides, I think my boobs don’t really match my body.
I actually quite often refer to myself as a chestnut puppet. When I was a kid, we would make little figures out of chestnuts. One nut for the head, one for the torso, two for the feet. All “body parts” were held together by tooth picks. And that’s basically how I look: I have stick-thin arms and legs, but at least some booty and of course, my boobs.

And since I don’t see myself becoming curvier, I had a first brest reduction consultation. Of course, I  also wanted to know if there was any chance of getting anything covered by health insurance. Spoiler, there’s not. At least not in my case, because there’s no medical necessity to get smaller boobs.

So far, so good. But after talking about the medical aspect, my gyno suddenly went on giving me her unsolicited opinion about her personal sense of esthetical perception. She basically said that if I didn’t have my boobs, there wouldn’t be much else. What a bitch. If I’d wanted a biased opinion on my boobs instead of medical advice, I would have asked the guy sexting me.
Besides, I live in Germany, Country of Nude Beaches. I know what human bodies can look like and what’s within the wide range of normal. But that’s not the point. The point is, how I want to look. And that might be very different from other people’s preferences and especially very different from the average, sausage-eating, beer-drinking German body type.

However, there’s been quite some stuff happening since that consultation. And I don’t know what exactly made me change my point of view, but now I’m thinking “Ok, big boobs are not too bad, even if they’re saggy af.” I think it’s thanks to the Kardashians. they all have a lot of everything. So thank you Kim, Kourtney, Khloé and Kylie. Your boobs and butts have helped me to accept my Susan Sarandon (sorry Susan!).

And for now, my boobs will probably stay and keep on bouncing.

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Lifestyle

Are you spontaneous?

I’m sure many of you have heard that question. Are you spontaneous?

Normally, that’s a question everyone would love to answer with a big YES!, capital letters, exclamation point. I mean why wouldn’t you? Being spontaneous rhymes with being easygoing, adventurous, fun and exciting. It probably also rhymes with being really good in bed. Girls who are down to improvise a camping trip to some place where only the stars are watching you. So who wouldn’t want to be spontaneous?

I told you that I do the whole online dating thing. (Spoiler alert, it’s the worst idea ever, but at least, it gives me something to write about.) And so guys asking me about how spontaneous I am is probably one of the most frequently asked questions. And it sounds like a normal question, right? Well, that’s what I naively thought too, until I realized that the typical time frame for that question was around midnight. Aka thirsty dudes looking for booty calls, not putting in any effort.

And so it made me wonder: What does being spontaneous even mean? I mean of course I’m not going to go out of my way and meet some random guy in the middle of the night, not even if I actually have nothing better to do. But still, I strongly believe that there are acceptable times for a first date and that a first date should never begin at midnight, period. Besides, there’s Netflix. So the entertainment that awaits me instead should be pretty awesome, but what are the chances? I largely prefer spending an hour or even two meeting someone in the early evening and then forget all about it while I drink tons of white wine and rewatch Sex and the City for the umpteenth time than having my entire night ripped away. Of course, there’s nothing that should prevent anyone to meet up with the crush of their life at no matter what time of the day or night. But what are the chances? In my experience, it’s mostly the thirsty dudes that want you to come over in the middle of the night – like a prostitute who doesn’t take money. Or at the very best, a girl who doesn’t have a life but waits for some dude to make her day/night.

So my answer to the spontaneity question? Mostly yes and no. I love to be spontaneous when I’m already with a person, meaning when I have already scheduled some time for them. But I would never abandon my plans just to meet up with someone who sends me a lazy message. Not even if my only plan for the night is to Keep Up With The Kardashians. That’s why I usually answer the spontaneity question with ‘No, I’m a stuck up bitch.’

 

PS: Google suggests fun stuff for spontaneity. Apparently, people who are spontaneous love the outdoors and have a healthy heart.

 

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Mental Health

Ana and Mia

This is probably the hardest post to write. Not only because it’s super personal and kinda heavy, but also because it’s much easier to write about stuff that’s in the past and that doesn’t still affect me. And yet, I wanted to write about this for such a long time, now. Partly because I think that it’ll create a new incentive for me to get better, partly because I think there’s still a stigma around eating disorders and mental health which prevents people to talk about it. In case you didn’t guess it from the title, this post is about my struggle with anorexia and bulimia.

I don’t really know where to begin and this will probably be the most unstructured post you’ve ever seen. I also don’t have any special advice, since I’m still trying to figure things out for myself. (And also, have you ever met someone who actually follows their own advice?)

So why am I posting this now?
To be completely honest, I’m writing this today because I just had an episode. And after 14 years of having eating disorders, it’s just annoying to be some tragic figure who doesn’t find a way out of her dilemma. It’s pathetic. And I feel weak and disgustung.

(If you’re reading this because you’re affected, please don’t take this or anything I’m going to say as a judgement on your condition. I’m just talking about my personal feelings, I’m not judging anyone.)

A psychologist once told me I should consider my eating disorder a disease. Well, I have difficulties doing that, since I feel like it’s in my control to give in or not and that I should be better than that. Except that I’m not. So I have no idea what to do with that information. Besides, it’s been such a long time that I’m dealing with that issue, it’s been more than 14 years.

I remember that when I was 7yo, I already wasn’t happy the way I looked. When I compared myself to my classmates, I found them much prettier. They weren’t as freakishly tall as I was. They also seemed to be more athletic and have nicer features in general. (Btw, this all was way before social media.) I never was the athletic type and since I scrutinized my body in the mirror every night, I noticed that I had ceelulite at a very early age. Sounds unreal, right? However, the dimples I discovered in my butt cheeks back then are still there. After that, my New Year’s Resolution would be to loose weight. However, I never succeeded. I mean, I was a kid and didn’t know shit about nutrition or dieting. And even though I’ve always been physically active, I never got ripped. Instead, I got some very unpleasant memories from when I tried out athletic sports and failed tremendously.

But then, right before my 15th birthday, my family and I made a trip to Italy. I remember flipping through a magazine and reading about this new trend called ‘Homeless Chic’. And apparently Mary-Kate Olsen incorporated it the best way possible. On the drive to Italy, I was reading a fashion magazine and still remember the exact picture, it was Gemma Ward wearing a ripped pullover from Dior. Next to her, Mariacarla Boscono in a similar outift. That day, I decided (!) that after the trip to Italy and all the pasta and pizza, I’d be anorexic.

Now people who say it was the magazine fault, stfu. In fact, do you remember that scene in SATC where Charlotte says that she can’t look at a magazine cover without thinking about her thighs? I absolutely hated it. Of course, the way how we see beauty is influenced by fashion mags and now, social media, but if a photo has that much power over you, there are probably some deeper issues.

In my case, it was the fact that I never felt beautiful or even appreciated. My father told me that he disliked the way I looked and also never took any interest in me, at least not as his child. He also let me know that he thought of me as lazy when I didn’t wanna do my homework or when I came home with a grade that was not brilliant. As for my mom, I could feel her disappointment when it became clear that I’d never be an athlete, nor good at science, especially maths. (She used to excel in both.) And her trying make me become better actually felt more like harrassment than encouragement. In addition to that, my family never had a normal way around eating and I can’t think of a single meal that wasn’t stressful in a way or another. According to what my mom has told me, I had a phase where I refused to eat when I was 3yo and since then, everyone in my family made sure that I ate enough, to the point that I was forced to empty my plate. And if all that wasn’t enough, let’s throw in the snide remarks my parents would make about my friend’s looks, some bullying at school, and a predisposition for depression that seems to run in my family.

I kept the promise I’d made to myself. When I turned 15, I weighed around 53kg (117lbs) for 1,79m (5’11”). A few months later, I went down to 46kg (101lbs), then 43kg (95lbs). One day, at a doctor’s appointment, my doctor pointed out that my state of health was pretty critical. That was when I was 16. The word she used was pathological. Yet, I never went to see a professional. I only had to go to a clinic where they did a couple of blood tests and then told me that my liver values were shit. But that was pretty much it. I never had anyone help me with a recovery plan or anything.

However, after this, I put on weight pretty quickly. I kinda happened automatically after I heard that my father was worried. This detail really annoys me up to this day. Daddy issues defining my life. Classic. And again, pathetic.

When I turned 17, my weight was up to 63kg (139lbs). Side note, the highest my weight had been before was 59kg (130lbs). And that was at a time when my mom let me know that my ass was getting huge and that a classmate said about me that he’d only consider dating me if I’d loose like 20kg (44lbs). In other words, I hated how I looked in that year. My face was puffy, everything felt huge, I didn’t feel like myself at all. So I slowly started loosing weight again, but still wasn’t happy with how I looked. Besides, shopping for jeans was a nightmare that time, my waist size being 30.

And then, I moved to Paris.

Didn’t know anyone there and later went through two rather difficult relationships. It didn’t take long until I was down to 46kg again. My mom came to see me and started to cry, which I found pretty annoying. I don’t know what made me gain weight after that, but slowly, I did and have maintained a weight of 57kg (125lbs), even though not always in a healthy way.

I still haven’t established a normal attitude towards eating yet, and probably never will, at least not completely. I’ve been in therapy a couple of times, not sure if it really helped. However, the number of bulimic episodes has decreased from 5 times a day to around twice a month. That’s at least something. My major motivation right now are my teeth. I know, it sounds sad, but I kinda stopped caring about other people’s feelings and opinions on what I should and shouldn’t do. (Probably because my parents did a great job at ignoring what was going on and especially after I had a friend tell me that the way I looked made her feel uncomfortable.) So yes, it’s about my teeth. Because even though they’re already paperthin, I would like to keep them until after I turn 50.

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Society

Dear men…

…this is a post especially for you. Maybe it’ll even help you to step up your dating game.

So I was asked to write about how men should behave. A funny request, because in my opinion, men do know how to behave. It’s the boy who doesn’t know shit. Regardless, while I was thinking about stuff that I could mention in this article, I realized on how many bad dates I’ve been. Seriously every single thing in this list is about something that I’ve experienced, sometimes multiple times. Not only does it makes me question the way those boys were raised, but it’s also very frustrating that in 2018, so many people lack of common sense. So in hopes to make the world a better place, here’s a list of things I wish guys would or would not do. (Btw, if you’re a guy reading this, feel free to write a similar article about girls. I’d be interested in your opinion.)

 

  1. Appearance & hygiene

Call me superficial, but the first thing people will notice about you are your looks. And with that, they will notice if you’re maintaining a proper hygiene. It sounds stupid to even mention it, but since I did have a couple of dates with guys who didn’t give a rat’s ass about hygiene, let me remind you: showering (once a day) and brushing your teeth (at least twice a day) is always in style. Taking care of you is important, not only because it makes you look more attractive and keeps away the nasty bacteria. But it also shows that you’re not neglecting yourself – which means that you know your worth, which means good self-esteem. And guess what’s the sexiest traits of all? Confidence.

And don’t be afraid to come across as too feminine. I know a few guys who are actually really worried about not being manly and therefore, they refuse to use lotion or any kind of self-pampering. But let me tell you this: No girl want to be touched by hands that feel like sandpaper. Keep it smooth! With that being said, also pay attention to how your fingers and nails look. Edward Scissorhands may give some sort of sexy vibe in the movie, but imagining having hands like these inside of me? Ouch. And do you remember the scene on GoT, where Theon gets his hands into Yara’s pants? Have you seen his fingers? That’s an infection going to happen right there. Needless to say that nothing kills the mood like thinking about scheduling an urgent gyno appointment the next morning. Therefore guys, please keep things nice and fresh, not only your hands.

I’m a big fan of lotion and smooth skin. Hence my advice: Invest in good skincare products – especially (!) if you’re struggling with acne or sensitive skin. Unaccordingly to what some men seem to believe, those things won’t disappear overnight (or ever) if you’re not treating your skin correctly. Also maybe rethink your diet. Food allergies or an unbalanced diet can have some pretty rough consequences on your skin, maybe it’s time for some culinary variation.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of the right scent. Personally, I strongly believe that the perfume you’re wearing is part of your outfit and also part of you. Scents can leave such a strong impression and emotional response, it’s no wonder that stores use vanilla to make their customers spend more time inside. So, find the right scent for you. Ideally, it underlines your character and leaves a strong and positive impression. I’m speaking of an actual fragrance here, not just that AXE deo that billions of other people use as well. I’m speaking of Armani, Burberry, Dior, Tom Ford. And yes, they are a little pricier than the stuff you find at your regular drug store, but once you get to know a thing or two about a good fragrance, you’ll see it’s definitely worth it.

Find a haircut that compliments your face and a hair color that goes well with your complexion. As an online dater, you can’t even imagine how many times I’ve swiped left on someone because of their haircut, even though without considering the hair,  the guy was cute. So why did I swipe left? Well, simply because someone who doesn’t care for their hair/ hasn’t changed their haircut since fifth grade doesn’t exactly give the impression of a worldly, confident man. In contrast to that, a guy with a dope haircut will immediately look sharp and modern. People will probably also think of him as more confident and therefore find him sexier. To put it in a nutshell: Find a great hairdresser and get a haircut that  looks amazing on you! (If you don’t know how to find a good hairdresser or if your mom has cut your hair for the last 20 years, I suggest you go with the salons that are also present at Fashion Week.)

Since I was talking about confidence: Working out is a great way to boost your confidence. And it makes you look good, too! So keep exercising!

 

  1. Personality

Read! More! Than! Fiction!

Especially if everything you’ve read so far has been nothing but SciFi. Not to judge SciFi, but someone who’s able to talk about philosophy, literature, art and culture is hot AF. Imo, non-fictional texts or podcasts should be part of everyone’s daily routine. Also, why doesn’t every guy read GQ? There’s so much good advice in there and it’s not even chauvi anymore. Also, with that being said, don’t be afraid of the words feminism and feminist. Instead, go and do some research and learn why it’s important to women and why it should be important to men as well.

Also, try to surround yourself with people whose opinions are totally different from yours. Not only will that make you grow as a person, create more understanding and eventually have some greater impact that you could have ever imagined, but it’ll also broaden your mind and make you a better conversationalist.

 

  1. Manners

(Everything here is stuff I shouldn’t have to say. However, I’ve experienced every single one of them, some multiple times.)

Develop a feeling for what’s appropriate and what’s not. (Especially, again, ESPECIALLY, if you’re online dating.) Don’t even think of asking your date extremely intimate questions on the first time you meet up. Don’t show up late, drunk or drugged. Also, if you had a change of heart and don’t wanna meet up anymore, let the other person know, even if it’s last minute. It’s called respect. And talking about respect, nothing is as uncool as insulting your date. I’ve had guys saying pretty messed up shit to me or giving me the finger, just because they thought it made them look particularily manly. Well, spoiler alert, it didn’t. Just made them look like total idiots. Besides, why would anyone ever meet up again with some dumb douche who disrespected them? Also remember the key rule: treat everyone the way you want them to treat you. So if you’re nice to your date but an asshole to the waiter/ waitress, you still won’t get laid. Just. Be. Kind.

And last but not least in this section: if you’re the one choosing the place, especially if it’s fancy, be prepared to pay for both, you and your date. (You don’t know anything about the other’s financial situation yet, so you can’t know what would be ok with their budget.) Also, if you’re living in different cities, don’t take it for granted that someone will meet you in your city. No one is too special to meet halfway. Don’t expect your date to do all the traveling.

 

  1. Online dating

Never send unsolicited dick pics. NEVER. Don’t send any sort of unsolicited sexual pics or texts at all. Don’t greet someone by describing what sexual act you’d like to do to them. Shortly, don’t be a perv.

If you don’t know the difference between pervy and sexy, go back to point two and read stuff. Read about sexual harassment and Harvey Weinstein.

And if you have a doubt about whether you should send that text or not, think of how your mom would react.

 

  1. On the date

Apply all of the previous points.

Don’t get wasted, don’t start crying about personal stuff or stuff that’s related to your ex. (Nothing against men who cry, but try to keep the heavy stuff for some other time, like when you know the other person.) Don’t expect your date to come home with you. Also, don’t try to lure your date into coming to your place. That’d make you a perv, you’re better than that. Don’t try to get your date drunk. If they wanna drink, sure, why not. However, keep in mind that drunk people can’t give consent. Also, if your date is drunk af, I’m pretty sure you did not follow all the previous points and they needed the alcohol to make the entire night seem less terrible. Go check again. Oh wait you did check all the boxes and were on your best behavior? Well then your date is probably an alcoholic. Go see someone else.

 

  1. After the date

Send a nice message where you thank the other person for the good time you had. (If the date was terrible, don’t send any text at all, why would you want to continue seeing that person? You can’t and should never be that desperate.) Again, DO NOT SEND UNSOLICITED DICK PICS. Also, don’t invite them to a swinger’s club if they haven’t expressed that desire. And last but not least, if your date decides to ghost you, don’t send hundreds of messages. Don’t stalk them, either. Face the defeat and move on.

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Just blogging

Compassion or self-marketing?

Yesterday, I came across a post on instagram which I found rather particular. It was a repost from a girl battling cancer, prompting others to send prayers. Seems nice, doesn’t it?

The caption said that the two had met two years earlier at an event. It didn’t make it seem like they’re close at all, or even acquainted. Besides, the girl who shot the original photo (I’ll call her Fightergirl) is not following the one who published the repost on instagram (I’ll call the latter Charity). And just another fun fact, Fightergirl – who’s of course tagged in the repost – has a community of almost 300k people, whereas the other account has just about 16k followers. So far, the repost got a little less than 350 likes and 30 comments, half of which are replies reminding people to read the caption. Because most people are just talking about Fightergirl’s outfit. (She does have great style.)

Call it cynicism, but I don’t think Charity’s repost was truly genuine. Let’s assume she did feel inspired and her only intention was to share that feeling as well as to show compassion. She could have done so by leaving a comment on Fightergirl’s page or sending her a DM. But no, she had to post it on her own page. And besides, why wait two years? It actually reminds me of the attention seeking RIP status on Facebook when someone famous dies. Sure, everyone has the right to feel how they feel, but not everything and every emotion has to be shared with everyone.

Of course I don’t know anything about Charity. For all I know she could be an activist who’s dedicating her life to support cancer patients, so I don’t want to discredit her. But it is unfortunate that on her instagram, she’s just picking one person with a large audience to show her ‘support’ to. Btw, I’d love to know what Fightergirl’s reaction was. I bet it was something like “Oh how thoughtful! This girl I saw for a second at that event is using my name and it got even two praying-hand-emojis in the comments! Now that really made my day!”

Ok, I’m done ranting now. So I let Bill sum up what I wanted to say.

Belikebill

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Just blogging

What makes a good story?

This semester, I’m taking part in a photography workshop. And even though the main focus is set on photography, obviously, we’re also doing some exercises to help us become more creative. One of these exercises is writing short stories.

The first one was pretty simple and very very short. All we had to do was sit down somewhere and describe our surroundings. Then, in a second step, we had the task to develop that description and create a short story from it.

Initially, I was super excited about that. Mostly because it gave me a good excuse to go to Starbuck’s and stuff my face with cake. But also because it sounded like a fun thing to do, especially because somehow I always have some fighting couple or gossiping teenagers sitting right next to me. It’s highly entertaining. Btw, I seem to attract crazy people in general and I think (but am not sure) that I already wrote about this a few years ago. But I’ll get back to that in a minute.

This day however, there were no gossiping teenagers and no fighting couples, just boring, normal people and a crying baby. So the transcript of my surroundings was just a bunch of onomatopoeias for the opening/closing door slamming and the coffee machine. Which was totally fine with me. I even thought it had some sort of experimental character to it. But apparently, the teachers hated it, because I didn’t get any feedback (not even bad feedback). Besides, it’s quite difficult to turn “clong” and “crshhhhh” into a short story. So the story I wrote instead was pretty shitty and didn’t have a story line at all. I basically just wrote down my thoughts but called myself Nancy. So no big literature at all.

Still, when some of the other short stories were presented in class, I was pretty underwhelmed. Or maybe our teacher praised them way too much before they were read out loud. I thought they were pretty cliché, from their story lines to expressions such as “unruly hair”, that everyone’s read at least a million times. Which made me wonder: “Am I just immune to good writing?”, and: “Is it ok to hate on detailed descriptions or am I just a moron who doesn’t have the slightest idea of art?” And anyway, “What makes a good story?”

Of course, you can look up all the technical stuff online somewhere. And of course, lots of practice makes your work better (hopefully). But besides that, I guess it’s like categorizing a joke (which is nothing but a very short story) as funny or not – purely subjective and depending on the reader’s taste.

However, since I can’t come up with fictional stories, I’ll share one of my personal life. As I mentioned, I attract lots of crazy people. Some would maybe be annoyed by that, but I find it rather funny. And it always gives me something to talk about.

Anyways, during my first two years in Paris I used to live in a chambre de bonne – a tiny studio that used to be intended for the maids back in the 19th century. My floor even had a seperate entry, so I would only cross the people living in the bougie apartments down in the hall.

One day, a couple of months after I’d moved in, a middle-aged lady who was living in the first floor approached me. She seemed nice at first, but also quite nosy. In just one second, she went from the regular small talk to rather personal questions, including for example how much rent I paid. I guess for her, the concept of boundaries just didn’t exist, as she then started to talk about how annoyed she was by her husband. I’m normally really good at getting rid of people that unnerve me, but it was different with her. Not only didn’t she notice the common signs of disinterest, but she also followed me after I told her for the umpteenth time that I had to go. This scenario kept happening everytime i ran into her, which by the way, seemed to happen more and more often and made me believe that she was waiting for me. Since her apartment was in the first floor, she was able to see the hall from her door. Besides, I found it rather awkward that I only met this person after living in that building for almost a year, but then suddenly at least once a week. One day, she even made me come see her apartment and meet her husband, just to prove me how annoying he was. The both of them then got in a fight and I quickly left. Another day, she ran into my then-boyfriend. I have no idea how she knew who he was, but judging from what he told me, it was a very weird encounter. And her telling him in her coarse cigarette-whiskey-voice that he was “very handsome” definitely added to the awkwardness.

The weirdest moment however happened one night after I came back from a night out. It wasn’t that late, but late enough to expect that the entire building was already sound asleep. But just as I reached the door to the servant’s entry, I heard the lock of Crazy Weird Lady’s apartment turn. I froze, hoping that she was just about to go outside to have a smoke. But then she started calling and so I ran. It’s not that I was afraid of her or anything, I just didn’t want to deal with her, especially not at 2am. But I heard her following me and so I continued running, all the way up to my place in the 6th floor. When I closed my door behind me I was hoping she’d given up. But then, a minute later, I heard a knock on my door. I first ignored it, but then there it was again, followed by a loud “Hello?”. I opened the door, unnerved, seriously wondering what kind of excuse she’d have to track me six floors in the middle of the night. Pause. – “Do you have a lighter?” – “No.” – “Ok, good night.”

That was the entire interaction. It also was the last time I saw the weird lady from the first floor. Maybe she was embarrassed, but I highly doubt that. Seen from a theatrical angle, it was the perfect exit. It would have been really hard to top this kind of crazy without making it totally creepy. Therefore, well done Crazy Weird Lady, well done!

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Just blogging

Finding my talent

When I got fired earlier this year, it felt like a relief at first. I wasn’t happy in my job and didn’t feel like I was using my potential. But when I started sending out application letters again, I noticed that I don’t really have any selling points. Sure, I’ve worked for two big companies, one might even say prestigious and sure, I’ve spent time abroad. But in general, I think that my CV is rather mediocre. I’ve had sooo many different jobs that had nothing to do with my studies or where I wanted to go in life. And even though some of them were great experiences, I don’t think that they necessarily make my CV look better. Which btw is a stupid way to put it, because there’s probably always something you can learn. What I mean is, my CV just isn’t as impressive as I’d like it to be.

Besides, I totally underestimated the psychological impact that getting laid off would have on me. That short moment of relief was soon replaced by feeling rather depressed and worthless. The reason behind is that I have absolutely no idea what my strengths and talents are. And so far, I haven’t found anything I truly excel in. That’s why I bought one of the books “For Dummies” that’s supposed to help me with finding and developing my strengths. (Besides, I’ve read that in order to be successful, 10% of your money should go into learning stuff and developing skills. So I thought that book would be a good start.)

Unfortunately though, I started reading the book at a time where I was a little unstable and quite moody and sensitive. That was definitely a mistake. Because the first chapter of the book concentrates on assessing your personality and there are a bunch of tests that you can take. It’s a good concept, but again, I was far from being positive and optimistic that time and took every question in the worst way possible. No surprise that the results led me to believe I’m a garbage person with no social skills or any sort of capabilities.

I stopped reading there. And as ridiculous as it sounds, I’m even a little afraid to pick the book up again just because I don’t wanna go back to feeling awful all the time. But then of course, the book isn’t the reason if I feel shitty about myself. (Which is why counselling is definitely back on the table, btw.) Anyway, I’m still trying to figure out what I wanna do next. I even do have a few ideas, I just need to learn how to make them reality. Maybe I’ll try finding a mentor or something.

In the meanwhile, I’m working on my insta game, so maybe someday I can turn that into something. And it might sound cliché, but I’m still amazed by how much positivity there is on instagram and there are days where a good or funny comment puts me in a better mood.

As for my talents, I think I’m great at faking interest, procrastinating, taking naps, getting distracted and looking at baby animals. I think that should do to get me a stellar career.

 

Update:

Writing this blog post actually helped me focusing on things I am good at, even if it’s just small stuff. For example, I realized that I became really good at giving constructive criticism. (There’s a new trainer at my EMS class and he doesn’t really know what he’s doing yet, which was really annoying tbh. But instead of being a bitch about it I gave a constructive feedback with lots of me-messages and hope that he’ll do better next time – with a different client, not me.)

I’m also polite af (when I want to) and a great conversationalist. At least for a few minutes, before it turns out that the person I’m talking to is a total bore.

I’m also interested in lots of things, I’m getting more and more into non-fiction and podcasts. (My favorite podcast is Criminal, btw.) So even if this one’s kind of a mixed blessing, because I don’t have any specialty, it helps a lot with being a great conversationalist, knowing the history behind the 420 code or at least make creepy comments.

I’m also great at finding the right gif for any situation. My former colleagues would confirm.

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Just blogging

My 16 personalities

If you’re online dating, then you may have noticed that some people add a seemingly random number of letters to their profile. Or maybe you’ve been introduced to someone who then told you, I’m an ISFP-A, what are you? If not or if you’re wondering what the deal with that is, then I’m here to enlighten you. The odd letters are referring to personality types of the 16 Personalities test, which claims to be ‘freakishly accurate’.

The first time I heard about it must’ve been in 2013, when a very good friend told me about it. Being an egocentric instagrammer/ blogger with a weakness for all kind of personality tests, there was no question – of course I had to take it! Unfortunately, I don’t remember what the result was. But since another friend mentioned the test to me last year, I’ve been taking it once again. And then again and again, until I lost count of how many times.

My first result was Commander (ENTJ, -A/-T), which is basically the psychopath among the 16 Personalities. I think my favorite parts of the introduction were ‘ruthless level of rationality’ and ‘particular skill in calling out others’ failures with a chilling degree of insensitivity’. Sorry (fellow) Commanders!

When I took the test again, the results varied A LOT. And just for fun, I also took the test in French instead of English, which again lead to a different result. This, I found particularly interesting, btw. Because it shows that language has an impact on how we interpret things. (There was a study that showed that people were more stringent with their moral judgement when different dilemmas were presented to them in their mother tongue. Though as so often, I unfortunately don’t remember where I read about it, but I’m sure you can google it if you want to.)

Besides Commander, which is part of the “Analysts”, I also got Executive (ESTJ, -A/-T) which belongs to the “Sentinels”, Entrepreneur (ESTP, -A/-T) and Entertainer (ESFP, -A/-T), both are “Explorers”. So I guess my only invariables are the -A at the end of all personality types, meaning that I’m assertive and the E, which is funny because I never thought of myself as extroverted. Also interesting is that I never got one of the “Diplomats” personalities.

So what did I learn from all this? Nothing, honestly. Except that it’s pretty much impossible to determine someone’s personality just by asking a few questions, which by the way, are pretty vague and leave much room for interpretation. At least in my opinion. My favorite question in that regard was ‘If the room is full, you stay closer to the walls, avoiding the center.’ Like a lizard crawling along the walls? Who would do that? Also, wouldn’t that depend on the room? Like if I’m at a restaurant, the odds to be seated close to the walls are imo higher than being seated in the center. Besides, the best people watching is done if you’re not in the center of a room, except if you want to be super obvious about it. And if it’s at a party and the room is crowded, I’m standing pretty much anywhere where the flow takes aka pushes me. Why can’t these questions be more specific?? Besides, I highly doubt that you could sum up the personalities of around 7 billion people and only get 16 different types as a result.

To be honest, I largely prefer to know which Disney Princess I am (Ariel) or which Disney villain (Jafar) and into which house the Sorting Hat would put me (I’d have to choose between Ravenclaw or Slytherin and go for the latter). I also think that these tests actually reveal much more about my personality. And interestingly, all the results match the characteristics of my astrological sign and my temperament (choleric) according to the Four Temperaments. Anyways, it’s all good fun and very entertaining but also not important at all. Because right now, I have to find out which Pretty Little Liars character I am.

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Just blogging, Society

Fuck feminism

Who else loves to start drunk debates about principles and personal views on stuff like politics and society? Well, I kinda do. Or at least I seem to have a talent for getting myself into heated discussions quite often. Last night’s debate was about feminism.

(Omg, I just googled “drunk debates and guess what, there are A TON of groups and websites that pop up. And this epic quote from the Westside Comedy Theater “Nothing proves your point like throwing up in your mouth.”)

It all started because I was saying that I need my sleep and then added that sleep deprivation affects women differently than men. Besides, women also need more sleep than men. Nothing of that is new, the web is full of articles about it and there are several studies as well. Nevertheless, as soon as I’d made that statement, two girls immediately started accusing me of being sexist. Their point was that women are not different to men. Yeah, sure.

I have no idea how some people came to the conclusion that gender equality means denying biological differences. In my opinion, there are three categories that need to be considered when discussing feminism: biology, seduction and politics/society. To give some examples, with biology I mean that different organisms have different ways of functioning. That’s why stroke symptoms in women are not the same as in men. That’s why women have to pee more often (and unfortunately take more time to use a restroom). Ignoring these things or saying that they’re made up is not feminist at all. On the contrary, it hurts women. Like literally, they could die. (But even the waiting lines at public restrooms are a pain I wish I didn’t have to deal with.)

As for my second category, seduction, I just don’t get why some women get offended when a man opens a door for them. Seriously, get your head out of your ass, it’s a nice gesture. I think the same is true when men invite women for dinner. Or when women dress up and want to look extra beautiful for someone they like. Nothing of that has to do with forgetting about equal rights and stuff, it’s just a game called seduction. (If anyone’s confused right now, catcalling has nothing to do with seduction.)

And then the third category, politics and society. Well, I guess it’s pretty obvious that this is the most important category. Just throwing some keywords in, like abortion rights, pay gap, yadda, yadda, yadda, you get it.

And just to be clear, I definitely am a feminist. And yes, the headline to this post is very clickbaitey. But I just hate this pseudo-feminism that’s based on hearsay and superficial knowledge. (I once had a conversation with my roommates – all female. They seriously thought that changing a light bulb or using a drilling machine would sum up what feminism is about. What the hell???)

Also, I don’t know how often I’ve already referred to my favorite podcast, but listening to Stuff Mom Never Told You is just mind-blowing, highly informative and will probably teach anyone a thing or two. I just wish everyone would love it as much as I do. But of course, you’re already well-informed, you smart reader ya!

 

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Just blogging

When time stops

Since I’m back to university, the same university I started my studies around nine years ago, it feels like nothing has really changed. My friends still live in the same town, few of them are still studying – like me. It feels like time traveling – I’ve lived abroad for 7 years and now that I’m back, things are pretty much the same. Especially this week, where we’re having a student exchange with (not only) students from Toulouse. The first time I participated in that exchange was exactly eight years ago and even though I was only 20 yo, the program was pretty tough. I mean, we were students. And so with the cultural program we’d do during the day and then the social gathering on top of it, we basically didn’t sleep at all for one week. It was pretty awesome. And still is, especially because the group dynamic this year is insane.

This weekend was the start of this year’s exchange and boy am I tired! And it’s only the start. (This is also why I’ve been running late with this blog post.) However, I’ll take it slowly this year because in contrast to my early 20s, I’m taking my studies a little more serious now and don’t want to miss classes because I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. Besides, even though I like the comfort of a little emotional throwback, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to do the same things over and over again. Of course, I’m super happy having my friends from university around, but at the same time, I almost feel like I’m back in my first semester and to me, that somewhat feels like regressing. That’s why right now, I’m planning to cram everything I still need to do to get my BA into this semester, so that I’m hopefully done by the end of the year. After that, there’ll still be time to travel and party.

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