How I got banned from TikTok

As an addition to my previous post, I thought I share with you a story on how I got my first TikTok account banned. Speaking of money and relationships made me think of a video with the caption “When I have so many dates this week that I don’t need to get any groceries”. It showed a pretty girl confidently strutting down the street, looking cool in her nicely curated outfit while playing with her hair and wearing black cat-eye sunglasses. The background sound that was playing was the very short line “I don’t really care” of Rihanna’s Who’s That Chick?.

I don’t know how you’d interpret this video. My first reaction was honestly disgust.

Maybe I’m too misanthropic and cynical to give people the benefit of the doubt, but for me, the video basically said “I’m just going on dates to get free meals and I can because I’m the hottest bitch that has ever graced humanity with her existence”. And so I couldn’t help myself. I just had to react to the video and point out this girl’s moral questionability.

The people who know me know that I have absolutely no filter when I’m voicing my opinion. Or in general when I’m speaking. I mostly think only after saying or doing something. Besides, I absolutely HATE overly political correctness. And so to my shame, I have to confess that I basically called that girl a whore. In a classy, concealed way though. But I guess it was against TikTok’s community guidelines. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I have absolutely no problem when people get paid for certain, affectionate services, as long as all parties involved are aware of the modalities. And even though I like to make stupid jokes about my lack of perspective for my own future, saying that I won’t need to worry because I’ll just marry an obscenely rich dude, I definitely do not approve of taking advantage of people.

Of course, I received comments like “Maybe she paid for her meals” and “Women shouldn’t attack other women”, to which my reaction is a major eye-roll. I mean, come on. I’m also sure she felt a real connection with every single person she met during this week. Probably all soulmates and twin flames.

Firstly, her flex definitely wasn’t about being such a bad bitch who pays for all her shit. Otherwise, she would have chosen a very different wording in her text. And secondly, when I point out people’s shitty behavior, I’m not attacking them for their gender or their identity or whatever, but for being shitty. Should be a no-brainer.

If you really feel the need to push your ego by spending valuable time with someone you’d maybe wouldn’t meet otherwise, just so that you can get free stuff, at least don’t brag about it. Shut your fucking mouth. But bragging about living a parasitic lifestyle and trying to glorify it just puts a wedge between men and women. For example, I love when a guy takes me out and offers to pay for dinner, just because I very much appreciate the nice gesture. And it also shows a certain commitment. If a guy pays for your dinner, there’s a higher chance that he’s not seeing a bunch of other girls besides you. Unfortunately, it seems that more and more guys get the feeling that some girls are just using them, and so they of course don’t want to take the risk to invest. Not their money, but even less their time and energy. No wonder chivalry is slowly dying.

As for being blocked on TikTok, I definitely didn’t miss the platform, but I still created a new account nonetheless. I wanted to show off the new tattoo that I got back then. But I learned to sort of control my impulsiveness. Now, I’m only reading the comments, which sometimes are the best part of social media anyway.

Just blogging

Exciting news

I don’t even know how often I’ve been writing this in the last couple of years, but: I know I haven’t been very active here lately, and I’m planning on changing this.

Those who have read my ramblings and bitchy texts for a while now will probably think “Yeah sure, tell us something new.” Well here it is:

This blog will soon be a project which I’ll do together with a very close friend of mine. Not only that. In addition to writing blog posts, we’re also working on a podcast!

The podcast will be in German, but the posts will continue to be in English as well as in German. Expect to learn about my friend’s and even more about my personal life and dating mishaps, fun anecdotes, and critical views about the world we live in. More, we’ll cover topics that I haven’t really addressed yet here, such as feminism and of course my current obsession that is astrology.

Of course, you will be the first ones to know when we launch, and I hope it’ll be very soon. So far, we’ve advanced really well with making podcast episodes, and we’re currently working on creating posts for the blog.

We would like to hear what kind of topics you’d read and hear about. So please let us know in the comments and type in your suggestions. We’re super impatient to finally go online with all the content we’re now creating for you, but promised, it won’t be too long. Until then, check out Instagram to see what’s new.

Just blogging

Don’t you wanna follow me back?

I guess it’s impossible to run out of topics when you write about online dating, for the better and the worse.

One thing I always found very amusing was the moment when you exchange socials or even a number. When I gave out my number, most of the time I’d be like “Please no dick pic, please no dick pic.” Btw, I don’t understand why guys would send them in the first place. Why not start with other body parts instead? If a pic of your dick is all you have to offer, then I’m just not interested. Or is the dick pic the result of a long time of reflection, where the guy asks himself: What do I have in common with a Greek god? (If you didn’t get that joke, just google Greek god statue and have a look at their penises.)

So, I’m usually not giving out my number very easily. Instead, I like to go with my instagram account. Which is perfect actually, because that way, the dude sees that there’s less of a chance that I’m a 50 yo dude and because that even without adding each other, you can text.

But sometimes I get the feeling that some people aren’t totally easygoing when it comes to staying in touch with someone via instagram. And funnily, the ones who only have like a handful of followers seem to be the thirstiest and the most eager to gain more followers. So what usually happens is that they follow me – which I never asked them to do, I just gave them my handle so that they can stalk me as much as they like, but that doesn’t mean I’m engaging. It’s like doing the starfish in bed, just that it’s on social media. And then, I can honestly just wait for the question: “Don’t you wanna follow me back?” …. And me like:

Seriously, why would you even ask that question? It’s like asking: “But why haven’t you said anything about my new haircut?” Well, it’s ugly af, I’m not to look at that more often than I need to. So sorry, not sorry, I’m not going to follow your shitty insta account. Otherwise, I would have hit that button already. But I didn’t, so just draw your conlusions from that.

But keep sending me nice messages, please.

BS on social media

BS on instagram #1

Catching feelings vs. falling in love

Today, I want to start with a new mini-series on the blog, dedicated to all the BS there is on instagram. My topic today is a stale caption you’ve very probably read on one post or another: “Catch flights, not feelings.”

Urgh! That’s goes right into the category of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. There’s so much wrong with this statement, I don’t even know where and how to start.

First of all, I hate the expression “catch feelings”. Has anyone even said that, like…ever? Yes, there’s an entry about that expression in the Urban Dictionary, but to me, it sounds like something very stupid to say. Why not simply say “start to have feelings” or does that already sound like too much of a commitment? “Catch feelings” makes me think of the flu. Or any other illness or disease for that matter. And normally, when for example you catch a cold or a flu or whatever, you’re not really involved in the process, not intentionally. No one would ever say “It was your fault that you caught a cold”. (Of course, on one hand that’s because people are being nice and no one dares to point out that the only form of fruit you consume is fermented and that you care more about fashion than about the weather. On the other hand, if some child carrying one of those nasty children’s diseases is coughing right into your face, there’s only so much you can do to avoid getting sick.) In contrast to that, developing feelings for someone makes you an active part. It describes that you’ve been seeing this person a few times. And since it takes two to go on a date, it makes you 50% responsible for the outcome. To me, “start to/develop/have feelings for someone” sounds way more mature. It also sounds like you actually have a say of what’s going on and are not just a – well… victim – of a disease.

That brings me to the second point. Caring about others should not be compared to a disease, and also not give room to that sort of interpretation. Even though, according to Schopenhauer (and I agree) being in love may turn you into an insane person, at least temporarily, caring about others is the best quality human beings have. I’d even say it’s the only thing that makes us decent. If you take away love and empathy from this world, what’s left? I highly doubt it’d be anything worth having. Therefore feeling things and mostly feeling love is not a bad thing. It’s very much the contrary.

The third thing I hate about the phrase “Catch flights, not feelings” is the notion of running away. Only cowards run away. And yes, sure, today so many people have their jet-set life and are all around the globe all the time. Looking for easy hookups and just some fun seems to be all the rage right now. No big commitments equals no big risks. And I get it, it’s a protecting mechanism to not get hurt. But that protecting mechanism will also keep you from finding something deep and meaningful. And if you constantly reject intimacy by fear of getting hurt, you’ll probably end up and die alone, having your face eaten by your 36 cats, until the neighbors complain about a weird smell and then have your disfigured corpse revealed, instead of just gracefully lying in a coffin. Is it that what you want from life? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
So why would people run away from love? Because it’s too scary? Because a relationship is too high-maintenance? Because you have no idea what will happen next? All the possible explanations just seem so lame to me. And again, they’re the words that would rather describe a coward than a mature and respectable human being. Besides, do you know the saying that nothing worth having is easy to get? Well yes, life is pain. But sometimes, it’s worth it.
Besides, if you’re alone, your big jet-set life won’t give you anything if you don’t have someone to share it with. (Your current followers don’t count, since they won’t give a shit about your posts once your ass is flat and wrinkled.) Happiness is better when shared, otherwise it’s nothing but a fleeing moment.

So instead of running away from the possibility of love, why don’t we dive deep into it? And yes, it may be hurtful on the way, but what’s there to gain and what would life have to offer if you’re already dead inside? Also, all kinds of experiences make us grow, the good and even more the bad. And who would say no to some personal growth?

Instead of “Catch flights, not feelings.” I’d rather say “Let’s fall in love and travel the world together.” It sounds super corny I know. But that’s only because – and I’m sure of that – it’s what a majority of people would want.

Now, “falling in love” is very different from “catching feelings”, even though it may not seem like it at first glance. Both give the idea of a sudden feeling that comes over you, giving you no power at all. However, my personal connotation with “falling in love” is much more positive. It make me think of Alice in Wonderland and of Alice falling down the rabbit hole just find herself in a place full of wonders and outstanding experiences. Some of them are scary and daunting, yes, but all very exciting. Besides, she is following that rabbit, she plays an active role and lives up to it. It’s not like something just overcomes her and that’s it. She’s also taking part in what’s happening.

As for travelling the world together, I think that’s a no brainer.

And now here comes a very corny ending for this post: I hope that 2019 is the year where you do have feelings for someone. Someone you trust, who doesn’t make you feel restless but grounded, someone you would want to take anywhere with you.

Just blogging, Society

Get yourself a life

You probably noticed by now that I like spending time on social media, especially instagram. I also like stalking people I find interesting online – see where they live, try to find out what the odds are that we become best friends. And that’s why I always read people’s bios. Sometimes, I also stalk people who left really dumb comments on someone’s picture, just to know who the person behind the stupid statement is. I guess this little fact about myself shows that I should get myself a life, but this blogpost is not about me. It’s about how other people see and describe themselves.

A few days ago, I came across two profiles that were really cool. Very cohesive feeds, great style, just everything I find nice to look at and maybe even inspiring. So of course, I thought about following them, but before, I had a look at their bios. The first one said “Wifey”, which is not uncommon on instagram, as is “bride to be”. The second bio read “pursuing him…”, something I’ve also read a couple of times already. Yikes!

I didn’t follow either of them. Instead, I was wondering why (at least some) women constantly define themselves through men or the relationships they have. Similar mentions to the bios I described above are bios such as “proud mommy” or “dog mom”, where it’s all about motherhood, whether that’s to a dog or a kid.

So when you’re creating an account on a platform where you can let all your narcissism out, why would you make it about someone else? I get it, you’re very proud to have a boyfriend and you constantly need to remind people that you’re oh so happy in your relationship or marriage because you can’t even believe it yourself. You love your dog to the point that you can ignore the fact that the little perv spends most of the day licking its balls and wants your supervision when pooping. You’re probably about to edit a pic that shows your dog’s nasty tongue in your face in this exact moment. And yes, of course you love your kids. You love them so much that you don’t give a shit about their privacy, because after all, your pushed them out of your vag and that’s such a freaking miracle. Like one that has never happened before. So why would you keep these things private?
And of course I can also understand that you want all that, the happy happy, picture perfect family, but somehow, it just hasn’t happened for you yet and so you want to make sure you spread the word that you’re single. Sure, you’ve heard many times that you come across as aggressive or even creepy, but they just don’t understand what it means to be a true romantic. I know, it’s hard to accept when your crush doesn’t like you back and that giving, ahem, … subtle… hints on social media will magically have him infatuated, I mean how couldn’t he be, your photos are so pretty! After all, it’s what the fortune teller told you. AND HOW COULD PEOPLE DARE CALL YOU DESPERATE WHEN YOU’RE CLEARLY NOT!!!

I know, I know, you’re a strong independent woman and you need no man or whatever. But darling, please act like it. It’s ok to put yourself first from time to time, even if that means posting pictures of your Skinny Latte instead of your dog. If you like latte pictures, go for it. People are tired of seeing your dog, anyway. Take time to do stuff that only benefits you instead of pleasing others. In short: Go get yourself a life! One that passes the Bechdel Test.

Just blogging

Compassion or self-marketing?

Yesterday, I came across a post on instagram which I found rather particular. It was a repost from a girl battling cancer, prompting others to send prayers. Seems nice, doesn’t it?

The caption said that the two had met two years earlier at an event. It didn’t make it seem like they’re close at all, or even acquainted. Besides, the girl who shot the original photo (I’ll call her Fightergirl) is not following the one who published the repost on instagram (I’ll call the latter Charity). And just another fun fact, Fightergirl – who’s of course tagged in the repost – has a community of almost 300k people, whereas the other account has just about 16k followers. So far, the repost got a little less than 350 likes and 30 comments, half of which are replies reminding people to read the caption. Because most people are just talking about Fightergirl’s outfit. (She does have great style.)

Call it cynicism, but I don’t think Charity’s repost was truly genuine. Let’s assume she did feel inspired and her only intention was to share that feeling as well as to show compassion. She could have done so by leaving a comment on Fightergirl’s page or sending her a DM. But no, she had to post it on her own page. And besides, why wait two years? It actually reminds me of the attention seeking RIP status on Facebook when someone famous dies. Sure, everyone has the right to feel how they feel, but not everything and every emotion has to be shared with everyone.

Of course I don’t know anything about Charity. For all I know she could be an activist who’s dedicating her life to support cancer patients, so I don’t want to discredit her. But it is unfortunate that on her instagram, she’s just picking one person with a large audience to show her ‘support’ to. Btw, I’d love to know what Fightergirl’s reaction was. I bet it was something like “Oh how thoughtful! This girl I saw for a second at that event is using my name and it got even two praying-hand-emojis in the comments! Now that really made my day!”

Ok, I’m done ranting now. So I let Bill sum up what I wanted to say.

Just blogging

Frustration

Sometimes, I wonder what I should and shouldn’t post. Everything I publish here can be read by anyone. But since it’s sort of an online diary (I don’t care how corny that sounds) which I’m mostly writing for myself, I don’t feel like sticking to my schedule and write the post I’ve been wanting to write in the first place. However, it’ll be here in a couple of days.

So instead of talking about what I originally intended to, this will be a tad more personal (though not about my sex life, if that’s what you gathered from the title). However, I will talk about creative frustration. There may be another article which will be about feeling frustrated in my job or whatever I’m doing at the moment, but that’s not it. Today, I’m going to write about my very own writer’s block/ lack of creativity.

If you expect any tips on how to overcome writer’s block, please go look it up somewhere else – if I knew how to get out of it, I wouldn’t write silly posts like this.

But, for starters, what’s been up? Actually, this last week went rather well. I got a callback from a company I applied to and they offered me a job. I read many inspiring blogposts and was well-organized with my studies. Actually, nothing to complain about. And still, I have this constant feeling of underachieving, no matter what I do. Maybe that’s a millennial thing. And yes, it probably sounds very silly and basic, but I think that the trigger was on Instagram. I noticed that one of the accounts I’m following has grown tremendously. Like ten times bigger in only a couple of weeks. And here I am with my tiny account – its numbers have been pretty much the same for years. And so of course I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong. Am I not interacting enough, even though I spend hours liking other people’s pics and blogposts? Or isn’t my content good enough? (Well maybe some of it isn’t exactly la crème de la crème, but I don’t find it horrible, either.) In addition to that, it doesn’t help that new followers are rather lunatic. It honestly baffles me that I can gain and lose a bunch of new followers in nothing more than a couple of minutes. I mean, if your likes are nothing but strategic, why bother anyway? Personally, I find it dumb to unfollow an account that has fantastic content just to keep my numbers in check. If I was in the mood for charades, I’d plan a game night instead of wasting my time on insta, or I’d watch the movie with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes, I don’t get why I’m making any effort at all. It’s hard, especially if there’s no immediate gratification. On the other hand, maybe that’s what you have to go through before getting to the real deal. Maybe I’ll have more insight in a couple of months. However, I’ll keep you posted.

In the meanwhile, I’m guest-writing for another blog. Check it out right here.

Just blogging, Lifestyle

About my new way of blogging

Now that I’m getting back to blogging, I’m thinking a lot about how I could best promote my blog, of course. Certainly, there are many instructions to read and some researches to make – I noticed that I actually don’t know a thing about wordpress or social media. It was only recently that I’ve found out how to use Instagram, and looking at the accounts followed by thousands of people, I’m still not sure if I’ve totally figured it out. 40 followers, whoop whoop! It was quite the same for Pinterest, my flatmate needed to explain it to me, otherwise, I would definitely still be clueless. And there are still tons of apps which leave me somewhat confused. Snapchat for instance, or Dubsmash, which recently flooded Facebook like a virtual tsunami.

I don’t really mind that my social media skills give room for a lot of improvement, I can always add that to my “Things I want to do or to know or to be better at” list. And since social media can be really important for your personal or professional project, I guess I will start some reading after finishing this post.

After having published my previous post I thought about with whom I wanted to share my blog. Taking a more personal direction, I wasn’t sure if I wanted everybody to read it. Funnily, I wasn’t afraid that my mum could find out anything compromising about me, she already knows everything. I was more afraid of the possible judgement of the people I know, which means friends, friends of friends, some coworkers, some acquaintances. I’m rather introverted and so making friends usually takes quite some time, mostly because my extremely pronounced skepticism makes me dislike most people at first. So of course, I don’t want to ruin a friendship with a couple of stupid lines. But of course, I came to the conclusion that your friends like you for who you are, or in some cases, despite of who you are. So I guess that also counts for blogs. By the way, I’m sorry Linda that your guinea pig got diarrhea. It was me who had fed him all the dandelion. I didn’t know he had a dandelion intolerance. Hope we can still be friends!

Finally and as you can see, I spent way too much time thinking about how I would come across. Also, I’m somehow hoping that those who read my texts will be more inspired by the texts than by my person.

As for music, people tend to recognize themselves in a song and the most successful and powerful songs usually have lyrics which are appealing to many people, so that they can connect to it. Good music provokes an emotion but also responds to the listeners emotional state. When we’re listening to music, the person who wrote and sings the song seems less important and is slightly shoved in the background, becoming a rather abstract figure.

I think it’s the same for fictional literature, and maybe even for some non-fictional books, such as (auto)biographies. Besides a great plot, readers are hooked if one of the book’s characters inspires sympathy. This is mostly the case if the reader finds any kind of common ground between himself and the character. Besides, I think that this even contributes to creating a suspense. In my opinion, as identifying with a character, we’re also looking at an abstract reflection of a part of us. This can lead to questioning our own acts and our behavior towards others. Therefore, identifying with a character also means judging ourselves through this character. And so while reading, we constantly need to be reassured. Is the story going as I expected? What if I was in the same position? Would I have done the same thing?

It has happened to me that I was disappointed by a book’s character I firstly liked. This happened either when the character did something extremely stupid (and so I got frustrated because it was so easy to see it coming), or when the character did something against the values I support. In such a situation, I’m always wondering who’s right and who’s wrong, or if there is such a thing as the right choice. And there again, the author doesn’t take much space in the reader’s mind. At the moment of reception, his role is less important than the role of the hero, except if there are obvious autobiographical traits. But even then, I think that the reader still concentrates more on how the text he’s reading affects him.

Probably, it’s not very different with a blog. The blogger mainly has the role of a mediator and also seems rather abstract to me. Of course, I may see a part of what their life is like and what experiences they make through their eyes, but the blogger as an individual person remains an enigma for me. In the end, and again, it all comes down to just sharing stuff, may it be personal or not. And I will be glad if a few people like my texts. And if they don’t, well, they don’t.