Tag Archives: astrology

Weekly Diary

Weekly Diary #10

Happy new year, everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the holiday season!

I celebrated Christmas with my mom and even though we spend a week together in my tiny 30 sqm apartment, we still don’t hate each other. In fact, I had very relaxing holidays spent with the classic Christmas activities like baking, cooking, going for walks, and playing board games. But my favorite tradition of ours is comparing all the horoscopes for the new year we can find in women’s magazines.
As a new tradition, I also did a small Tarot reading every morning after breakfast. And even though I’m still very new at this, I strongly believe that the cards never lie. So I wasn’t really surprised when the cards I pulled matched the horoscopes for 2022 I read later that week. It was the same for my mom. The cards already announced the important turning points that we know will come up eventually.
In my case, there will be one critical change in my professional life, and I have to admit that I’ve been dreading this moment, I still am. I guess that’s why I’m really reluctant to write my thesis and why I kept procrastinating for years. I’m so fucking scared of what comes after, I just don’t want to face it.
Another big change will hopefully be in my relationships. I really love cats, but it’d still be nice to have someone in my life who I can state as an emergency contact.

When I started writing this post, the first week of January was already over. It’s hard to believe that we’re already two weeks into the new year. I feel like the last two years didn’t even happen. But I guess I’m not alone. It’s so hard to believe that it’s been only a few months since I went to a different party or rave every couple of days. I barely slept. And now, I’m sitting here sipping my lemon water, celebrating that I haven’t had a drink in two weeks. Though I have to admit that I’m only sticking to Dry January right now because there’s no red wine at my place. And I’m not in the mood for white wine, it doesn’t go as well with my outfit today nor with the French playlist I’m listening to this evening. It’s all about the aesthetics. By the way, that’s why I started smoking in my early twenties. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I blame my mom. We watched so many movies from the Golden Age of Hollywood together, so of course I wanted to have my own collection of cigarette holders. Also, I did a photoshoot last week where we had to include a cigarette just to add a little lasciviousness. I might pick up smoking again. Or maybe I just try to get some of these chocolate cigarettes we had as kids.

Isn’t it crazy that these were targeted at children? Makes me think of the vintage ads praising the benefits of alcohol, such as the nourishing qualities for babies. And in case you were wondering, you can still get chewing gum cigarettes. Apparently, they even produce smoke. I will definitely test them. But apart from my desire to look like a glamorous movie star, I’m enjoying getting a little healthier.

When I started writing this post last Sunday, the moon was in Pisces. And I was rather emotional as well. So I didn’t really take care of myself, and I haven’t in a while. I still have to force myself out of bed, let alone do a workout. Though I’m slowly getting better at that, thanks to a fitness app with short, scheduled workouts, and thanks to a YouTube video reminding me that I have to practice self-care in order to attract positive things in life. It made me realize how poorly I’ve been treating myself in the past, not to say as long as I can think. In addition to that, I never took time to heal from any sort of physical or psychological, or emotional trauma. Instead, I used very unhealthy coping mechanisms and just kept going.

I’m not gonna lie, realizing this sucked. It even had me paralyzed for most of the week because I suddenly got stuck with all the negative thoughts and emotions I’ve been bottling up for so long. Besides, it’s really hard to break well established thought patterns. And so I just had a few days where I felt like a waste of space and absolutely unworthy of anything. Fun side note: Even my therapist seems to be a little stumped and doesn’t know what to do with me. She keeps asking me what kind of treatment I think would be best for me. I guess she’s trying to be considerate, but quite frankly, I’m not going to see a professional just to write my treatment plan myself. And these past days, thinking of my therapist’s overwhelmedness just added to my down spiral. It’s come to the point where I’m not even sure if therapy is helpful for me. At least so far, it hasn’t really made a difference for me whether or not I talk to a stranger about my feelings. Most of the time, I just feel reassured that my perception is right, even when a therapist (I’ve had a few) disagrees with me. And except for me second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m a narcissist, that doesn’t do much. I’ll still stick to it though. I mean, you never know.

But now, I have a real resolution for this year. Besides working out regularly and finally finishing my studies, I want to cultivate a positive mindset. No more talking myself down. And I challenge everyone reading this to do the same. Raise your vibrations and stuff.

The good news is that Mercury is in retrograde again, until February 3. This is the perfect time to reflect on yourself, your relationships, and how you go about life. Despite having a bad rep, Mercury retrogrades are actually a great opportunity to take a breather and to focus on what is really important or what needs to change. What energies do you want to attract, what brings you further in life? During this first Mercury retrograde of the year, we can set our intentions for the months to come. (And if you have to get back with your ex, be sure about your Why.)

So take it easy, be kind to yourself, do what makes you happy. And have the best year ever!

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Just blogging

Weekly Diary #8

I need more than 24 hours in a day, I don’t even know how October passed this quickly. Between work, trying to get organized for my university stuff (which I’m still failing at btw), job searches, preparing for Halloween, and some unnecessary drama, my head was spinning. I’m truly wondering why I’m attracting all this drama now, I’ve never been this kind of person before.

Maybe it’s the city and the people here, or maybe it’s because I’ve reached an age where compromise gets harder and where I’m less willing to be agreeable about everything. However, I’m not getting any deeper into the nature of the drama. It’s very personal, though, who am I kidding, it’s not like that has ever stopped me before. But it’s way too recent for me to talk about it without ruining my day. And it’s also not really that interesting. I’m in love with someone who’s emotionally not there. It’s a story as old as humankind. I even wrote a poem about it, which I then deleted, because it sucked. I guess that means that I did a really good job with the writing after all, since it really conveyed the feeling of sucky suckiness.

I spent the last days ugly crying, listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens, and doing a bunch of impulse shopping. I got some new decoration items for my home, fancy dresses for the next big occasion that will never present itself, and a latex bunny mask, because why not. Now, I’m waiting for all that to arrive, as well as the large black hoodies I ordered so that I can hide from the world, even when I’m not hiding in bed, sleeping 15 hours a day.

And of course, I had a bomb Halloween party to take my mind off things. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably already seen the make-ups I tried, leading up to my phenomenal costume as Angel of Death to celebrate the pinnacle of the spooky season. But since I have narcissistic tendencies, I’ll happily share the photos here.

While preparing these looks, I noticed how giddy I get when I can let my inner goth out. And so I set a new goal for myself, which is getting into makeup. But only next year, because I still want to finish my degree first.

I’m taking care not to say “have to” and say “want to” instead so that I can trick my brain into being motivated. It doesn’t really work, though, and I still have some doubts if that future degree will make finding an interesting job any easier. I mean, I study linguistics. The only thing I’m good at is reading stuff, talking, and writing. And there are moments where I even have difficulties with that. Exhibit A: My wonderfully awful poem I’m too ashamed to show to anyone.

Funnily just earlier today, I had a very short interview with a headhunter. (Somehow, that term always makes me think of a hitman.) And so we were talking about the job I’m currently doing and what my expertise is. She was about to ask me something to understand my current day-to-day better and started her question by saying “Are you capable of…”, and immediately, I went like “Nope, I’m definitely not capable.” in my head. And I’m not even kidding when I’m saying that this is how I really feel. Not only when it comes to a job, but just everyday life. Somehow, I have no clue how to do things, and the idea that I once thought I’d have my life figured out by reaching my 20s, aka ten years ago, is just ridiculous.

Fortunately, I’m not the only one who thinks that the way our society does life and responsibilities is nothing but a big scam. When I look at my group of friends, we all seem to never grow up. At least not in the way that we thought was required, with slick parted hair, a tidy single-family house in a suburban neighborhood, and a Golden Retriever. We rather have inappropriate conversations and throw dress-up parties that help us escape reality and deal with the Millennial angst.

I guess that’s why astrology and spiritual practices are having such a boom among Millennials. They provide the perfect escapism and offer some peace of mind.

“The universe will guide you. You just need to manifest your reality. But don’t worry if you have trouble raising your vibrations right now, we still are in Mercury retroshade, and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Here, you can use these crystals to help you balance your energy. Also, yoga is really good for your chakras.”

I feel all warm and fuzzy already, just by typing these lines. It’s pretty similar to a religion that helps to have faith in us and, well, the universe and its mysterious ways. Actually, I think I will go get my crystals and sage my room for good measure, Then I’ll make some hot tea and hide under my blanket while probably having an anxiety attack about everything I didn’t do today. That’s my idea of a great afternoon. Enjoy yours as well, cheers! ✌️

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Weekly Diary

Weekly Diary #7

It’s been a while that I haven’t written one of those weekly diaries. But today I decided that it’s a category I’m going to revive.

I just had a short video chat with a somewhat friend. Somewhat because our friendship almost only exists via calls. We met on Tinder and have actually met only once. We also hooked up that night, but we both date other people. So I don’t really know how to exactly classify this relation other than as a somewhat friend.

He has been struggling with depression and substance abuse the last couple of months, at least since I know him, actually. And he’s an artist. So exactly the kind of person I attract, the struggling and depressed artist. I’ve tried to attract and be attracted to “normal” people in the past, but that has never worked. I find them boring. And I have to admit that I sometimes even like the drama that comes with rather unstable personalities. Besides, my Jupiter is in Cancer and my moon is in Taurus. So I often take the role of the caregiver. Unfortunately, to the extent that I only care about others, but not myself. In fact, I read an article about what your sleeping position tells about you. In relation- or situationships, I’m usually the big spoon. Which reflects me being protective and caring. And of course my Aries sun makes me super protective of others.

I guess psychologically, I do that so that I can concentrate on others instead of dealing with my own problems. I mean, especially right now, my life is a mess. So I’m basically a mom who takes care of everyone but then needs her Chardonnay at 4 PM to cope.

I should add that he’s a Scorpio. I unfortunately can’t find the meme anymore that portrayed Aries-Scorpio relationships perfectly, but it basically just stated that this combo can be toxic and yet, Aries are attracted to it. And in this particular case, I really feel that.

But I’m realizing that I didn’t even tell you yet how the conversation went. I texted him around noon, asking him how he’s feeling. I also wanted to make sure that he slept, since the last time we spoke, he told me that he’d only slept 2 hours. He then called, already with a bottle of hard liquor in hand, and asked me right away to give him a tarot reading, which I did. (It reflected his current situation, so nothing new. But it also showed that things might improve in the future and that he’ll have a meaningful relationship, so I hope that will happen for him.) Anyway, after I was done with the reading, he asked me if I thought that he is a calculating asshole because he only called to get a favor. To which I replied that I’m used to that kind of behavior by now.

He immediately started protesting, even though he was the one referring to himself as calculating in the first place. He claimed that he’d always had my back, and he supported me no matter what. I just thought, “We’ve only met once”. I also realized that he was obviously drunk, even though I wasn’t able to tell earlier.

However, me saying that I’m used to calculating people suddenly made me really sad. It reminded me of all the times I was really invested in a relationship or friendship and had to come to the hard conclusion that my efforts weren’t reciprocated. I even feel like it’s impossible to have two people be on the same page and equally invested. I would love to have someone showing me they care as much about me as I care about them.

After we ended the video chat, I did a small tarot reading for me as well. My cards are in the featured image of this post. Turns out, the universe wants me to concentrate more on myself and be more aware of my desires – something that I need to do that to be successful in the future. However, I’ll probably still have trust issues later on. But at least I’ll hopefully have the success going for me.

To put the advice from the cards into practice, I’m now going to work out and enjoy the sun. Happy Sunday!

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Just blogging

Exciting news

I don’t even know how often I’ve been writing this in the last couple of years, but: I know I haven’t been very active here lately, and I’m planning on changing this.

Those who have read my ramblings and bitchy texts for a while now will probably think “Yeah sure, tell us something new.” Well here it is:

This blog will soon be a project which I’ll do together with a very close friend of mine. Not only that. In addition to writing blog posts, we’re also working on a podcast!

The podcast will be in German, but the posts will continue to be in English as well as in German. Expect to learn about my friend’s and even more about my personal life and dating mishaps, fun anecdotes, and critical views about the world we live in. More, we’ll cover topics that I haven’t really addressed yet here, such as feminism and of course my current obsession that is astrology.

Of course, you will be the first ones to know when we launch, and I hope it’ll be very soon. So far, we’ve advanced really well with making podcast episodes, and we’re currently working on creating posts for the blog.

We would like to hear what kind of topics you’d read and hear about. So please let us know in the comments and type in your suggestions. We’re super impatient to finally go online with all the content we’re now creating for you, but promised, it won’t be too long. Until then, check out Instagram to see what’s new.

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