Weekly Diary

Weekly Diary #7

It’s been a while that I haven’t written one of those weekly diaries. But today I decided that it’s a category I’m going to revive.

I just had a short video chat with a somewhat friend. Somewhat because our friendship almost only exists via calls. We met on Tinder and have actually met only once. We also hooked up that night, but we both date other people. So I don’t really know how to exactly classify this relation other than as a somewhat friend.

He has been struggling with depression and substance abuse the last couple of months, at least since I know him, actually. And he’s an artist. So exactly the kind of person I attract, the struggling and depressed artist. I’ve tried to attract and be attracted to “normal” people in the past, but that has never worked. I find them boring. And I have to admit that I sometimes even like the drama that comes with rather unstable personalities. Besides, my Jupiter is in Cancer and my moon is in Taurus. So I often take the role of the caregiver. Unfortunately, to the extent that I only care about others, but not myself. In fact, I read an article about what your sleeping position tells about you. In relation- or situationships, I’m usually the big spoon. Which reflects me being protective and caring. And of course my Aries sun makes me super protective of others.

I guess psychologically, I do that so that I can concentrate on others instead of dealing with my own problems. I mean, especially right now, my life is a mess. So I’m basically a mom who takes care of everyone but then needs her Chardonnay at 4 PM to cope.

I should add that he’s a Scorpio. I unfortunately can’t find the meme anymore that portrayed Aries-Scorpio relationships perfectly, but it basically just stated that this combo can be toxic and yet, Aries are attracted to it. And in this particular case, I really feel that.

But I’m realizing that I didn’t even tell you yet how the conversation went. I texted him around noon, asking him how he’s feeling. I also wanted to make sure that he slept, since the last time we spoke, he told me that he’d only slept 2 hours. He then called, already with a bottle of hard liquor in hand, and asked me right away to give him a tarot reading, which I did. (It reflected his current situation, so nothing new. But it also showed that things might improve in the future and that he’ll have a meaningful relationship, so I hope that will happen for him.) Anyway, after I was done with the reading, he asked me if I thought that he is a calculating asshole because he only called to get a favor. To which I replied that I’m used to that kind of behavior by now.

He immediately started protesting, even though he was the one referring to himself as calculating in the first place. He claimed that he’d always had my back, and he supported me no matter what. I just thought, “We’ve only met once”. I also realized that he was obviously drunk, even though I wasn’t able to tell earlier.

However, me saying that I’m used to calculating people suddenly made me really sad. It reminded me of all the times I was really invested in a relationship or friendship and had to come to the hard conclusion that my efforts weren’t reciprocated. I even feel like it’s impossible to have two people be on the same page and equally invested. I would love to have someone showing me they care as much about me as I care about them.

After we ended the video chat, I did a small tarot reading for me as well. My cards are in the featured image of this post. Turns out, the universe wants me to concentrate more on myself and be more aware of my desires – something that I need to do that to be successful in the future. However, I’ll probably still have trust issues later on. But at least I’ll hopefully have the success going for me.

To put the advice from the cards into practice, I’m now going to work out and enjoy the sun. Happy Sunday!

Standard
Just blogging

Exciting news

I don’t even know how often I’ve been writing this in the last couple of years, but: I know I haven’t been very active here lately, and I’m planning on changing this.

Those who have read my ramblings and bitchy texts for a while now will probably think “Yeah sure, tell us something new.” Well here it is:

This blog will soon be a project which I’ll do together with a very close friend of mine. Not only that. In addition to writing blog posts, we’re also working on a podcast!

The podcast will be in German, but the posts will continue to be in English as well as in German. Expect to learn about my friend’s and even more about my personal life and dating mishaps, fun anecdotes, and critical views about the world we live in. More, we’ll cover topics that I haven’t really addressed yet here, such as feminism and of course my current obsession that is astrology.

Of course, you will be the first ones to know when we launch, and I hope it’ll be very soon. So far, we’ve advanced really well with making podcast episodes, and we’re currently working on creating posts for the blog.

We would like to hear what kind of topics you’d read and hear about. So please let us know in the comments and type in your suggestions. We’re super impatient to finally go online with all the content we’re now creating for you, but promised, it won’t be too long. Until then, check out Instagram to see what’s new.

Standard