Author Archives: jlouisewinter

Just blogging

Gypsy life

Last week, I wrote about my time in Munich and how those first few weeks were like. True, the beginning was a little rough, but it was all worth it because what followed after was just amazing. I it wasn’t super cliché I’d even say transformative.

So after staying with my host from Couchsurfing and crushing at my colleague’s place, I moved to this hostel called The Tent. As you can guess from the name, it’s a place with tents, you can either bring your own or sleep in a group tent. It’s a little outside, maybe half an hour from the center of Munich and located in the middle of a huge park, but it actually feels more like being in the woods.

I arrived and immediately fell in love with the place. It was a nice summer evening and travelers from all over the world were sitting on the terrace, playing guitar and singing. People were chilling in hammocks and beach chairs. A little further away, there was a group playing ping pong. Right next to the terrace, the Tent crew was preparing some barbecue dinner, it smelled delicious. There were colorful chains of lights hanging in the trees, creating a warm, welcoming atmosphere. After the sun had set, a fire was lit and everyone sat around it. The campfire was a custom that was repeated every night. I never grew tired of it.

On my second day already, some other campers invited me to join them on a tour through Munich. We bought some wine and took a walk through the city before we headed to the Eisbach to watch people surf. We then sat down somewhere in the English Garden and spent the day sunbathing. Every day was more or less like that, spending every minute outside, having good conversations and cheap wine, I just loved it. We also went to the Tollwood festival which was taking place at around the same time and I almost got a tattoo there. One of my friends wanted to get one too, but didn’t go through with it after all. And since it’s no fun getting a tattoo at a festival all by myself, I didn’t get one either. Tough in retrospect, I’m pretty glad that we both kinda chickened out. We were drunk, and the tattoos would probably have turned out pretty ugly.

I don’t know exactly how to describe it, but my time at The Tent was just an incredibly freeing experience. (And I think the unreliable wifi connection added to that.) I got to know so many interesting people in such a short amount of time, everyone had a different, fascinating background.

I also learnt some stuff about myself, namely that I want to spend my life traveling. Not in fancy hotels, but in simplest way. (When I was 18, I actually wanted to life in a mobile home and travel around. I just never got a driver’s license because as it turns out, I hate driving.) I also discovered that I’m totally fine not wearing fancy outfits and that the more stuff you own, the more it slows you down.

So now the only thing I have to do is to figure out how I can be a traveling nomad but still have an income, aha. Maybe there’s a book for dummies that’ll explain it to me.

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Just blogging

When I was homeless

Almost one year ago, I got this incredible opportunity to work as an intern at Condé Nast. I applied in a moment where I had nothing figured out and I didn’t even expect anything from it. I just wanted to see what my chances were, but thought that my application would probably be rejected. I’m not  sure if I’d have applied otherwise – it was past mid-May and they needed someone who could start in June and the Condé Nast office was in Munich, around 600 km away from where I lived at that time.

To my surprise, I got a callback only two days later. And since I’d never say no to an institution like Condé Nast, I started planning my move to Munich. Everything went well, I found someone to sublet my room to as well as an apartment. Everything went really fast and it was almost miraculous how perfectly things fell into place.

I arrived in Munich late on a Sunday evening and made my way to the apartment where I was supposed to meet the landlady’s daughter, my future roommate, who would be there with the keys. But when I arrived, no one was there. Besides, I couldn’t find her name on any of the door plates. So I frantically tried to call her, which also didn’t work, because apparently, she gave me the wrong country code (she and her family were Irish). I finally got a hold of her by messaging her on Facebook. She explained that there was some sort of family emergency and that she couldn’t meet me that day. But she’d try to get there the day after. She suggested that I should stay at a hotel until then.

I was pretty broke at that time, mostly because I had just paid a month’s rent and the deposit to that reckless bitch that didn’t show up. It also was my first time in Munich, so I had no idea where to go. Besides, considering that I was carrying four huge bags that night, I was also very reluctant to start wandering around, looking for a place to stay. And if that wasn’t enough, I also couldn’t really use my phone because I had limited data transfer. Lucky for me, there was a hotel right next to the apartment and with the money I still had, I even could afford a night. And they had wifi!

I had an inkling that I wouldn’t hear from that girl anytime soon and so I spent the rest of the night and the next morning looking for a host on Couchsurfing. Again, I was super lucky, because in only one hour I found someone who was willing to host me for a week. Yet, I still didn’t know how lucky I was at that point. But that couchsurfing contact also put me in contact with a girl who sublet her room at a student’s residency where I could move in a few weeks later. In the meanwhile, I squatted at one of my new colleague’s place (she even was so ind to stay at her boyfriend’s for that time). After that, I lived at a hostel. Again, it was my CS host who gave me the address. Eventually, I also got my payments for rent and the deposit back.

So yes, in the end, everything worked in my favor. The room at the student’s residency was only half of the rent I would have paid at the other place. But most importantly, I got to meet some incredible people and I’m incredibly grateful for all the help, support and unexpected kindness I received from total strangers. Without them, my situation would have been pretty dire to say the least, especially because I didn’t feel like I really had a support system back home.

This entire experience has definitely strengthened my wishful thinking that some things happen for a reason. I mean after the troubles during the first few days/weeks, I was much better off than I’d been with the original plan. And who knows how things would have turned out with a roommate who clearly doesn’t give a shit. (Btw, I still don’t understand what her deal was. If the family issue was real, then why couldn’t she manage to send someone on her behalf to pass the keys? For a moment, I thought it was a scam, even though I had a contract and even though extensive stalking didn’t show anything suspicious. But then I got all my money back. I really don’t understand.)

Also, the time I spend at the hostel probably was the best time I ever had. But I feel like I’ll talk about that in another blogpost.

Until then, enjoy your Sunday night!

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Lifestyle

Bye bye booze!

Happy Easter everyone! As from today, the fasting period is over and on that occasion, I wanted to share my experience of going (almost) sober for a month.

A little spoiler beforehand: I didn’t exactly go sober. Firstly because I enjoy a good glass of wine, and secondly because I don’t care for any sort of extremes and so I don’t see why I should unnecessarily restrict myself. Nevertheless, I did reduce my alcohol intake significantly.

I’m not religious in any way, but after carnival season, I thought it was a good idea to get a little more careful. Last month, I was invited to a few parties, two of them turned into whole-day events. I was drinking the entire time and of course, my memories about those nights are a little blurry. And not that it would be punishment enough to have to ask your friends about what happened, I also had a small issue with my teeth afterwards. I have very sensitive teeth, but two days of drinking bubbly non-stop made it incredibly painful for me to just brush them. Just because of that, I didn’t drink for two weeks straight. I got my teeth fixed in the meanwhile, but I was still quite scary to drink again. And besides, I thought that it would be a good thing to change my drinking habits.

I’ve worked in gastronomy for around two years and during that time, my alcohol consumption got a little excessive, I have to say. One day, I took an alcohol assessment test online and it told me that with at least 5 units a day, within a year I’d drunk my body weight in booze. That was around five/six years ago. (I was 22 back then.) Fortunately, I reached a point where the thought of drinking almost made me wanna through up and so I just stopped. But at the same time, my social life kinda went out the window as well. I thought that going out would be boring without drinking and so I just wasn’t up to it anymore.

Then eventually, but only for a short period of time, I found a somewhat balanced way to handle alcohol, but I still had nights of binge-drinking. And even the occasional glass of wine soon brought me back to a bottle a day. And until last year, I pretty much maintained that quantity.

I guess the problem was that I’m not really afraid of becoming an alcoholic. I never had the feeling that I needed alcohol (but then again, I did drink every single day) and I also felt like I could stop at any moment if I wanted to. I just didn’t want to. Besides, a bottle a day is actually not that much if you think about it. In fact, it’s a glass for apéro, another when you cook, a larger one that goes with your meal, then another one when you watch a movie and then you may as well finish the tiny drop that’s left in the bottle.

Again, I had that moment where I didn’t even want to drink but still did because I was used to it. I knew I had to change something, not only because alcohol makes your skin look dull, but most of all because being drunk can put you in some dangerous situations. Like that one night, where I stayed at the bar after my shift. I didn’t even want to stay until late, but you know how those nights turn out when you say you’ll “only have one drink”. In the end I made it to the train station past midnight but had missed my train. While waiting, I fell asleep on one of the benches. Fortunately, there was police patrolling the station and so it was relatively safe. However, if I’d fallen asleep somewhere else, the chances of getting all my stuff stolen would have been pretty good. (One of the officers woke me up, I realized that there was no train that would bring me home until 4 am. I went out of the station and luckily ran into the guys I was drinking with. We shared a cab and I got home safe.) This was just one of many rock bottoms.

So during the last month, I had alcohol on very few occasions only. And if I did, I had a big glass of water directly before or after. Not only does this method help to curb my appetite for more and more wine, it’s also a good way to save money. I actually did see a difference on my bank account. Before, a normal night out would usually cost me around 20 € just for drinks. Drinking less alcohol easily reduces that amount by half.

But a much more important benefit I got from drinking less is that my sleep quality improved tremendously. Before, I constantly felt tired even after 10 hours of sleep. I still need lots of sleep (ideally 9 hours), but when I wake up now, I feel well-rested. Which gives me the energy to be more active throughout my day. I now work out in the morning, even if it’s just a small workout. (Though, I still have days where I can’t get myself motivated to do anything at all, but at least it’s not due to feeling tired and having a headache because of too many drinks.)

Yet, I don’t think that I’m becoming a teetotaller anytime soon, but this past month has definitely made me be more aware of my drinking habits and has helped me learn to listen to my body more carefully. Now, I only drink if I really have the “appetite” for it. And I even then, I’m drinking less alcohol than I would have before. With that said, I’m going to top up my glass of water.

 

 

 

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Just blogging

Birthday week & moments of depression

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Some of my friends take their birthdays very seriously. They throw amazing parties and even dedicate the entire week to it.

To me however, my birthday has not that much importance. I played with the thought to have a huge party this year, but I don’t feel like it any more. My week has been pretty mundane so far as well.

I have no idea why I don’t care about my birthday. Maybe it’s because I think that being brought to this world involuntarily isn’t an accomplishment that deserves being celebrated. Neither is slowly approaching death.

Though I do get mad when friends or people who should remember my birthday don’t. So in some sort, I’m denying my own existence but am pissed if others don’t acknowledge it.

There was a period where my situation was a little different from now, though not too much. It w a time where I quite often had thoughts like “If I’m still around next year..” and so I felt that each year living would be something I could be proud of.

Now I’m more like “whatever”. The latent suicidal thoughts have significantly decreased, which is good, I guess, but there are still days where I feel that simply existing is just incredibly hard. And what for anyway?

“What motivates you to get up in the morning?” You’ve probably come across this question at some point in your life. Can you answer it? If yes, what would your answer be? I really thought about it many times and I still have nothing. Probably because I haven’t found anything I’m truly (or even remotely) passionate about. I thought of testing a bunch of new activities, trying something different every week. Maybe in this way, I’ll find something that I enjoy so much that it can become a passion.

Speaking of motivation, I know that I have to change my shitty mindset. So I’m currently trying meditation and I also read a bunch of articles. And no kidding, every time there’s a line like “Make a difference” or something, I’m literally thinking “What for, we’re all going to die anyways”.

Sometimes, I really admire religious people. They seem to have a reason to exist and maybe their beliefs give them some extra strength. But then, religion is such an abstract thing to me, it just wouldn’t work.

Counselling has worked for me, so that’s back on. As for my bday, I’m not really doing anything. But I know that my mom has planned something, so I’m sure that’ll be fun.

 

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Just blogging

How much is too much?

When I think of possible topics to write about, I automatically think of how much I actually want to share. How much information is too much?

I thought about some of my previous blog posts and deleted two of them. I also deleted my blog-related Facebook page. Not because I was ashamed of anything I wrote earlier, but because I’m not sure if I want all of my friends, family, or in the worst case my employer know EVERYTHING. Somehow, I find it much easier to expose my personal life to an anonymous crowd rather than people I see on a daily basis.

My biggest fear is that people misjudge me or take things I say too seriously, forgetting that everything I write is nothing more than my point of view, which, of course, cannot be applied to everyone or all kinds of circumstances. And I hate tiptoeing around topics. As much as I love how woke people are today, the all time political correctness can be such a pain if you’re trying to express something in writing, especially if you want it to say in the same way you would in a conversation.

But whatever (subtle transition), I feel like this time I’m going to try not to think too much about how my posts will be received and care more about authenticity instead. Not that my previous blogposts have been fake, but I sometimes felt like I’ve held back a lot. In the end, if any of my babbling is inspiring to anyone, or if it makes someone feel a little less alone, then that’s all that matters. And so that’s the ultimate goal here.

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Just blogging

Why blogging?

It’s March and I’m realizing that I did not stick to my resolution of writing more often, at all.

One reason (or let’s be real: one excuse) is that these past couple of weeks have kept me busy with work, my studies and seeing my friends. I also wanted to keep some lazy time for myself where I just do nothing. I honestly don’t know how others manage to be productive at all times and I totally admire that. But where do they take all this energy from? I kind of need my lazy days that I spend watching The Bachelor or KUWTK. (Btw, who else is obsessed with these shows?)

The second thing that has kept me from writing is that I’m just overthinking. So instead of just getting stuff done, I’m thinking about the “Why?”. Like why would anyone give a shit about what I have to say? It’s for this exact same reason that I’m not super active with my insta stories. Even though I love watching other people talking about their day, what they had for lunch, what cute little shop they discovered, or what their cat did, I feel like it would make no sense for me because my life is pretty boring. I also don’t have a cat. And the times I spend with my friends are fun, but not exactly IG material.

And then of course I see all these other amazing blogs already existing, which is awesome, but also quite intimidating. Besides, I wouldn’t exactly identify as a fashion blogger, I just scribble what’s in my head. But is there a niche for that? And again, who cares?

The thing is, when I take this last thought a little further, it brings me to some really dark places. Like, what impact would my existence have on the universe – none. You can imagine how my mind spirals from there. Btw, this has also been the reason why I’ve been unable to finish my studies and had to take a six-year break. (And if I’m honest, I’m still doing a rather poor job at it.)

The only thing that seems to work for me – at least to some extent – is not to question anything, but just try and do stuff. But in addition to that, I also need to review how I manage my time. So the new idea is that I’m going to write every Sunday. Hopefully, that’s how I’ll get my former consistency back.

In the meanwhile, let me know how you organize yourself. How do you manage to keep blogging regularly in addition to your other activities? And how much time goes into your blog? Tell me everything 🙂 and see you here next Sunday!

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Just blogging

The big book question

Maybe you know the situation. You’re filling out an application or participate in a contest and then there it suddenly is: The big book question. Right in the middle of all the questions which are rather easy to answer or to navigate around, there’s this one question that’s even more troublesome than “Where do you see yourself in five years?”.

And here it is, the trickiest of all tricky questions (drum roll):

“What’s the title of the last book you read?”

Is it just me who’s totally stressing out about this one? At first, it seems pretty standard and easy to answer, I’d even say innocent. However, it’s basically what my worst interview nightmares are about. And I wish I was exaggerating here. – Well, I’m not.

See, this supposedly easy question says way more about a person than one might imagine. That’s why I’m never sure how to answer it. Of course, I could be honest and say that for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been reading EVERYTHING Sophie Kinsella has ever written. But what would that say about me? Honestly, I love Sophie Kinsella, so I really don’t want to discredit her work or judge anyone for reading her books. Regardless of that, I (meaning: that’s my problem, don’t care about what I’m saying) have the feeling that if I admit to that, I’ll be considered pretty basic. I mean, I am, but I don’t want it to be that obvious. So which book can I mention?

Something written by Oscar Wilde? Nah. I mean, he’s brilliant and I will probably never stop fangirling over his amazing work that is just unparalleled. Nevertheless, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m a part of the crowd that’s not even able to correctly match his quotes to the texts they’re originating from. Also, when I went to Père Lachaise and saw what “fans” had done to his resting place, I immediately knew that I would never want to be considered one of them. That’s why I usually never talk about how much I love Oscar Wilde in public.

Ok, how about some classical literature then? Pfffff. The worst. Classical literature is the one that makes you sound the most pretentious. Even if you genuinely enjoy reading it, my personal impression is that – if I don’t want people to roll their eyes at me – it’s somehow better not to mention it. I mean let’s imagine someone asks you about your favorite book and you say “I’m just in love with Goethe’s Faust, part II”. (Or just Faust for that matter.)  I’m sorry, but it’s quite unlikely that demography will be on your side here – unless you’re at a party for German philologists, maybe. What’s more probable is that this statement will be considered as pretentious, and that no one cares that the plot is actually still relevant, even today. Same goes for anything existentialist. In an era where we’re watching future brides making a big deal of having to face the huuuuuuge decision whether to go with a sleeveless or a halterneck dress on TV, it’s quite challenging to make sure that the person who’s asking the book question will relate to Meursaults angst in Albert Camus’ L’Etranger, for example.

So what’s left to quote? I actually don’t know. Of course, this teeny tiny overview is far away from being even remotely representative of all the great literature out there. But since we’re here, why not quote comics/ graphic novels like Persepolis or Maus? Would it be smart to mention these? I’m pretty sure that quite a few people have read and also enjoyed them I feel like basically everyone has read them, which might be cool for getting a conversation going.

But since I’m super self-conscious when it comes to mentioning books I like, I also want to be extremely sure that I’m not quoting something super mainstream. That’s why I usually name Cakes and Ale; or: The Skeleton in the Cupboard by William Somerset Maugham. (Btw, I can recommend ANYTHING written by him, his work is just amazing.) And then, an awesome book I just recently discovered and will definitely quote next time the book question comes up: When to Rob a Bank by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner. I haven’t even read that much of it, yet, but I’m already hooked.

So that’s it, that’s my answer. Let me know if you have any great titles to recommend or tell me what kind of question you fear the most in an interview (or in general).

 

 

 

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Just blogging

Frustration

Sometimes, I wonder what I should and shouldn’t post. Everything I publish here can be read by anyone. But since it’s sort of an online diary (I don’t care how corny that sounds) which I’m mostly writing for myself, I don’t feel like sticking to my schedule and write the post I’ve been wanting to write in the first place. However, it’ll be here in a couple of days.

So instead of talking about what I originally intended to, this will be a tad more personal (though not about my sex life, if that’s what you gathered from the title). However, I will talk about creative frustration. There may be another article which will be about feeling frustrated in my job or whatever I’m doing at the moment, but that’s not it. Today, I’m going to write about my very own writer’s block/ lack of creativity.

If you expect any tips on how to overcome writer’s block, please go look it up somewhere else – if I knew how to get out of it, I wouldn’t write silly posts like this.

But, for starters, what’s been up? Actually, this last week went rather well. I got a callback from a company I applied to and they offered me a job. I read many inspiring blogposts and was well-organized with my studies. Actually, nothing to complain about. And still, I have this constant feeling of underachieving, no matter what I do. Maybe that’s a millennial thing. And yes, it probably sounds very silly and basic, but I think that the trigger was on Instagram. I noticed that one of the accounts I’m following has grown tremendously. Like ten times bigger in only a couple of weeks. And here I am with my tiny account – its numbers have been pretty much the same for years. And so of course I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong. Am I not interacting enough, even though I spend hours liking other people’s pics and blogposts? Or isn’t my content good enough? (Well maybe some of it isn’t exactly la crème de la crème, but I don’t find it horrible, either.) In addition to that, it doesn’t help that new followers are rather lunatic. It honestly baffles me that I can gain and lose a bunch of new followers in  nothing more than a couple of minutes. I mean, if your likes are nothing but strategic, why bother anyway? Personally, I find it dumb to unfollow an account that has fantastic content just to keep my numbers in check. If I was in the mood for charades, I’d plan a game night instead of wasting my time on insta, or I’d watch the movie with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes, I don’t get why I’m making any effort at all. It’s hard, especially if there’s no immediate gratification. On the other hand, maybe that’s what you have to go through before getting to the real deal. Maybe I’ll have more insight in a couple of months. However, I’ll keep you posted.

In the meanwhile, I’m guest-writing for another blog. Check it out right here.

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Fashion

Fashion resolutions

I didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but there’s something I’m actually very thankful for:  Black Friday and Cyber Monday happening at the end of the month when my bank account can’t possibly tolerate any extravagances. With all the temptation that’s constantly surrounding me – insta pics of people’s latest purchases and the plethora of promo codes flying around everywhere, I feel like I couldn’t even trust myself if going shopping didn’t mean I’d be pretty much ruined the week after. Really, it’s the only time of the year that I’m actually happy about being constantly broke.

And this year’s been especially hard. Since I’m getting more and more involved with people’s stories on Instagram (even though I never met them irl), I’ve been continually bombarded with posts inviting me to check out this or that brand’s website. And yes, I did crack. But only just a little bit. Six items. (That’s a very small amount for my standard.) All from my favorite store which is H&M. And compared to the Hunger Games re-enacted in some US stores, I feel like I stayed quite reasonable, since I only bought some pants, two dresses, a sweater, a blouse, a scarf and some earmuffs (it’s cold outside!) – all combined on Black Friday and Cyber Monday. I didn’t go crazy, and this is why:

I don’t want to accumulate any more stuff

In the last year alone, I’ve moved more than five times. It was such a pain and I realized that I own way too much stuff. And even after I’d gotten rid of two big bags of clothes, I still had way too much. So my new goal is to wear everything my closet contains on a regular basis. And the clothes that I end up not wearing in a year will have to go, eventually.

I want quality stuff

It’s insane how much designer wear can do for you. For me, it’s such a big boost in confidence. I feel like nothing can be compared to the experience of wearing an Isabel Marant dress and feeling absolutely fabulous, just because the cut and the fabric are so on point. Seriously, I thought I was ruling the world, just because my dress spread this vibe for me. And that’s so much more than some generic item from any generic store can do for me. The minute I was wearing the high-end product, I knew I never wanted to downgrade again. So from now on, I’ll try to invest in high quality basics and only get the trendy things at stores like Zara, Mango or H&M. Not only will that make my entire wardrobe be more fashionable, it probably will also have a positive impact on the environment.

I want to live somewhat sustainably

I’m kind of fed up with fast fashion. I feel like I don’t get anything of quality (let alone that the way of manufacturing a low-cost item often, is morally questionable), and of course, there’s no point in trying to sell something you got for only 15 bucks. So instead of continuing to hoard fast-fashion items, I’d like to concentrate on the finer things. I prefer buying less, but making better choices in what I buy – and to keep an item for more than just one or two years.

I want to be excited about something new

Having everything available at all time has kind of made me lose interest in what’s new. Because what’s the point of owning something that’s in vogue for one minute and irrelevant the next? And why would I spend any money on something so futile? Instead, I want to be sure that this new item purchased will not just sit around, waiting for this one occasion I bought it for to happen. I want to feel comfortable choosing whatever I want in the morning (when I’m in a hurry) and still feel confident in the way I look. This (and because of the other reasons above) is why I’ve restricted myself from buying more stuff. The result of this small kind of detox is that I’m actually getting excited again about the few items I do buy. I really missed that.

 

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